24: Pinocchio(s) Know(s)

Janet’s empty apartment. Janet enters. She comes in and sits on the couch exhausted. She turns on Pinocchio again. The movie plays for awhile and Michael comes in behind her with some bags. Janet screams.

Michael: It’s just me!

Janet: You scared me.

Michael: Why?

Janet: How did you get in here?

Michael: Oh. Since I’m living here, I made myself some keys. Is that okay?

Janet: I guess so. Want to watch the movie with me?

Michael: No. I’ve seen that movie so many times.

Janet: Me too. I love this movie.

Michael: I know.

Janet: Did you get my frame?

Michael: Yes. Yes. I did. I even measured your puzzle so it’ll be the right size.

Janet: Did you get my ring?

Michael: What?

Janet: Did you get me a ring?

Michael: What are you talking about?

Janet holds up her hand.

Michael: No. No. I didn’t.

Janet: Oh. I see.

Michael: (sitting beside her, looking down) Janet. I’m sorry.

Janet: Why are you sorry?

Michael: I am very poor. I- I-

Janet: I know. Don’t worry about it. Love is all that matters –that’s what one of the magazines says. You can sit closer if you want.

Michael: I have things to do, Janet. I can’t waste the day away.

Janet: I understand.

Michael: How was the library?

Janet: Good. Paula was on the phone with my father most of the time.

Michael: Really? What were they talking about?

Janet: You.

Michael: Really? What were they saying?

Janet: Oh, you know. Things and stuff.

Michael: Janet, listen to me. Do you know what they were saying?

Janet: Ouch. That hurts.

Michael: I’m sorry. I just really want to know. I want to make a good impression on them.

Janet: Paula wanted to know your last name.

Michael: I see. Oh the mail is here already?

Janet: Yeah. It comes very early. I brought it up before I went to the library.

Michael: Michael Sandera? Who’s Michael Sandera?

Janet: Isn’t that you silly?

Michael: I know. I’m just teasing.

He opens the small package.

Michael: Dear Michael, this is to inform you of your acceptance to- My God.

Janet: What is it?

Michael: Oh. Just some Yale papers -I have to fill out. Must have forgotten to fill out.

Janet: Oh, speaking of papers, I have these for you to sign.

Michael: What is it?

Janet: They are about my apartment lease and since you will be living here.

Michael: Do we need to put me on the lease? Is that necessary?

Janet: I don’t know. Paula said so. She got these papers from the landlord.

Michael: She’s such a busy body, Janet, I don’t know if she’s good for you.

Janet: Yes, Paula is very busy. She does a lot of stuff for a lot of people. She’s very nice.

Michael: Yeah, very nice. Wow. Ummm. I’m gonna have to go to work today. So. . .uh. . .I will be leaving in a little bit.

Janet: When?

Michael: In not so long of time. I just have to get ready.

Janet: You always leave.

Michael: Yeah. I know. I have to though. Just like you have to go work for Carol on the weekdays.

Janet: Yeah, now she wants me to come to her house after work.

Michael: She does?

Janet: Yeah. One of her farm boys grabbed me.

Michael: He did?

Janet: Yeah. He held my eyes and made me guess his name.

Michael: Oh. Does she pay you? What work are you doing at her house?

Janet: Well on the way there she told me I’d be washing fruit. But then she made me peel potatoes. I didn’t like it at all.

Michael: Does she pay you?

Janet: No. She didn’t give me any money for that.

Michael: Did you like going over there?

Janet: Not really.

Michael: Then don’t go again.

Janet: My eye really hurts today.

Michael: It doesn’t look that bad. It looks like its healing. It probably means it’s healing.

Janet: Your face looks better.

Michael: Thanks. I’m surprised I got any mail here at all. I didn’t fill out a change of address form.

Janet: What’s that?

Michael: When you move, you give the post office a change of address form so your mail from your old house can come to your new house. . .

Janet: You didn’t do that, but you changed your phone number to mine?

Michael: Yes.

Janet: Why?

Silence

Janet: Seems like you would do it all together.

Michael: Seems that way.

Janet: Michael, tell me about yourself.

Michael: What do you want to know?

Janet: Everything.

Michael: Ha ha. That’s a lot of stuff, Janet.

Janet: But we have time. Marriage is till death do us part.

Michael: Where did you hear that?

Janet: Paula told me.

Michael: Sometimes, I’m afraid, Janet, Paula is wrong.

Janet: Really?

Michael: Yeah.

Janet: But that’s what the magazine said. In fancy letters. Till death do us part. It was a wedding magazine.

Michael: Yeah. It is till Death, Janet. But then I assure you, it’s over.

Janet: Oh. What happens then?

Michael: Nobody knows.

Janet: Nobody?

Michael: Nope.

Janet: Strange.

Michael: Life is a mystery. I have to get ready for work.

Janet: Okay. I suppose that’s why Pinocchio can’t figure out how to become real.

Michael: That’s part of it.

Janet: But he does. He does become real. So people are able to figure out the mysteries of life?

Michael: Only in fiction.

Janet: What’s fiction?

Michael: Something not real.

Janet: So television is not real? It’s that word you just said.

Michael: Yes. You never knew that?

Janet: I am not sure.

Michael: Oh.

The telephone rings. Janet gets up to answer it.

Janet: Hello? Sure. Sure. Okay. (She hits a number on the phone.)

Michael: Who is it?

Janet: My father.

Michael: I’m not here. I’m at work okay?

Janet: What?

Michael: Just please. Don’t say anything. Don’t let him find me.

Janet: Okay. Why?

Michael: Just shhh! Please. Don’t say anything to your father. Can you do that?

Janet: Till death do us part.

Michael: Good. (He exits to his bedroom door, Camden enters, Janet stares after Michael.)

Camden: Hello, my dear.

Janet: Hi.

Camden: What are you looking at?

Janet: Nothing. I’m just thinking.

Camden: Oh. Is Michael here? I want to talk to him.

Janet: No. No he’s not.

Camden: Well, where is the boy?

Janet: He’s out. He had to work.

Camden: I see. Janet, is he living here?

Janet: No.

Camden: That’s not what Paula said.

Janet: Maybe Paula lies.

Camden: Maybe you lie. Are you telling me the truth? What are all these bags? (He looks into them.)

Janet: That’s a frame that Michael bought me.

Camden: I see.

Janet: Yeah. You see.

Camden: Janet, why is there a 1.75 oz bottle of Vodka in here?

Janet: I don’t know.

Camden: You don’t know? You can’t have liquor in your apartment! You know that. Do you want to lose the subsidy?

Janet: Paula says I’m going to lose it. Ummm.

Camden: Ummm, what?

Janet: Nothing.

Camden: I want an explanation, Missy.

Janet: Paula said that they were changing it up anyway.

Camden: Well I will have to speak to her about it. I just came by to make sure everything is taken care of.

Janet: Okay.

Camden: So have you and Michael discussed any wedding plans?

Janet: No.

Camden: I see.

Janet: You see.

Camden: Don’t repeat everything I say!

Janet: Sorry.

Camden: When do you think that is going to happen?

Janet: What? What happened?

Camden: When do you and Michael think that you’re going to discuss these plans for marriage?

Janet: I don’t know.

Camden: I see. This is getting out of hand, Janet. I don’t think I trust this boy.

Janet: Why not?

Camden: He doesn’t operate like a real boyfriend.

Janet: He is a real boyfriend, Dad.

Camden: Okay. Well tell him that I called Yale this afternoon and- Did you hear that?

Janet: Did you hear what?

Camden: That. From in there?

Janet: From where?

Camden: I don’t know. That door. It sounds like someone is in that closet.

Janet: Oh that’s just Michael’s cat.

Camden: Michael has a cat?

Janet: Yeah.

The telephone rings.

Camden: I can answer it.

Janet: Dad, it’s my phone. I’m supposed to be living on my own.

Camden: Suit yourself.

Janet: (staring at her father) Yeah. Uh huh. Sure. (She hangs up.) The cat’s litter box is in there. You wouldn’t want to go in.

Camden: I’m not even sure if you are supposed to have pets in here. Of all the cock-a-maimy- Oh I love this movie.

Janet: Me too. I love Pinocchio. I want to be just like him.

Camden: What. A liar?

Janet: That’s mean, Dad. I am not a liar.

Camden: I didn’t mean it harshly, dear. Anyway I must be going, everything looks fine here. Tonight your mother and I have the surgeon’s ball. So I will be out all evening. But Michael and you should pick a time when all of us can have dinner again. Wouldn’t that be – be- just right?

Janet: Yes.

Camden: Fine. But get that liquor out of here. And don’t let Paula see it. . .my phone will be ringing off the hook otherwise. Come give your father a kiss.

Janet: Bye, Dad.

Camden: Good evening.

Janet: See you.

Camden: (to the cat in the closet) Bye. Bye Kitty. Whatever you are doing here. (to Janet) You should get the cat out too. Soon.

Janet: I will. Michael’s gonna pick him up later. Dad?

Camden: What is it?

Janet: What were you going to say I should tell Michael?

Camden: I called Yale today and gave him a good recommendation.

Janet: Oh that was nice of you. Don’t you think?

Camden: Yes. Very nice of me. Now I must be going.

Janet: Okay.

Camden: Have a good evening. Take a bath. Watch your movie. Bye.

Janet: Bye. (She closes the door after him after he exits. Michael opens the closet door.)

Michael: You are amazing.

Janet: I am?

Michael: You are smarter than you look!

Janet: I am?

Michael: You are my perfect Pinocchio! (He lifts her up and swirls her around. Janet laughs.)

Janet: Except my nose doesn’t grow like him!

Michael: Not yet. Because you are real. So real.

Janet comes down in Michael’s arms. Their gazes are locked together. She kisses him hard. It is awkward.

Janet: Michael, what’s wrong?

Michael: (turning away) Nothing.

Janet: Why did you try to hide from my dad?

Micheal: (turning back) To tell you the truth-

Janet: What?

Michael: Promise not to laugh at me?

Janet: I promise. What is it?

Michael: I afraid of your father.

Janet: He can be kind of scary. But he won’t hurt you.

Michael: I know. Why did you tell your father that I didn’t live here? I didn’t say you couldn’t say that.

Janet: I think he would be angry. I guess I’m scared of him too.

Michael: Good thing I had my cell phone.

Janet: Yeah, good thing.

Michael: That was a close one.

Janet: I know.

Michael: I could feel that you needed some sort of answer.

Janet: I did. I didn’t know what to tell him.

Michael: We think alike Janet.

Janet: We do.

Michael: We sure do.

Janet: We are one. WE will be one. Isn’t that what marriage is?

Michael: Yeah. Yeah.

Janet: That’s what those magazines say.

Michael: Those magazines scare me. I have to go to work now, Janet. I’ll be home later. You don’t have to wait up.

Janet: Okay. I’ll miss you.

Silence.

23: One Blood Orange

Clara cooks brunch in the Andreas family home. Judy comes in with trench coat and sunglasses. Both are pale as ghosts. Judy has a small paper sack with her.

Clara: So many things to plug in and unplug around here.

Judy: Yeah. Get used to it.

Clara: Where were you this morning?

Judy: I’m going to be making Alfie’s lunches. You can do breakfasts, but I am going to start packing him lunches.

Clara: Is that wise? After last night?

Judy: Just because I had one accident with a roast, doesn’t mean-

Clara: We both got food poisoning, Ms. Judy. That’s the only thing I can think-

Judy: We did not.

Clara: Why did you insist that we eat the burnt half?

Judy: It wasn’t burnt.

Clara: Well maybe you shouldn’t wear those sunglasses in the house, you’ll see better that way.

Judy: Look Clara. Look at me. (removes glasses) I am Mr. Andreas’ wife. I will remain so for quite sometime. You have to respect me.

Clara: I don’t respect no one who gives me food poisoning. I still am sick this morning.

Judy: I only threw up once.

Clara: Yeah, but you are probably used to it.

Judy: What was that?

Clara: Nothing. What have you got there?

Judy: Oh just some things to pack in Alfie’s lunch.

Clara: Fine.

Kitty enters.

Clara: Oh, Senorita Kitty. I have something for you.

Judy begins to get things ready for Alfred’s lunch.

Kitty: You do? What is it? What?

Clara: It’s an orange. Very juicy. For your snack.

Judy: (turning) Where did you get that?

Clara: From you. You know that.

Judy: That was for you.

Clara: I know. I know. But Mr. Alfie asked me to give Kitty a snack around 10.

Judy: I don’t think so.

Clara: That’s what he said.

Judy: But he hasn’t seen her the way I have. Too much sugar is a bad thing for Kitty isn’t it?

Kitty: I don’t know.

Judy: I do.

Clara: It’s just fruit, Ms. Judy.

Judy: It’s just fruit. It’s just fruit. No, it’s a peel away from being a temper tantrum once all that sugar gets in her blood. I have seen it.

Clara: Whatever you say, Ms. Judy.

Kitty: So I don’t get the orange?

Judy: No. I’m afraid not. I’m going to use it in your daddy’s lunch.

Alfred enters.

Alfred: I really don’t like oranges though.

Judy: But they’re good for you.

Alfred: Morning, Clara. Morning, Kitty.

Clara: Exactly. That’s why Kitty should have it.

Alfred: Just what are you doing, anyway Judy?

Judy: I’m packing you a lunch.

Alfred: Oh. Clara it is nice to have you back.

Clara: I’m afraid I was too late though.

Alfred: What do you mean?

Judy: I cooked a roast for dinner last night. You wouldn’t know. I don’t know what time you came home around, but I gave us food poisoning.

Clara: So sorry if I feel a little under the weather today.

Alfred: We’re just glad to have you back, aren’t we, Judy?

Judy: Yes. So very glad.

Kitty: What is sugar?

Clara: Excuse me, I don’t feel well.

Judy: You’re excused.

Alfred sits at the kitchen table as Clara exits. Kitty sits and talks with him. Meanwhile, Judy has emptied the contents of her paper sack –another small, yet full jar- near the spice rack with her back to Alfred and Kitty.

Alfred: Do you know what we’re having today?

Kitty: No. I don’t.

Alfred: Smells like oatmeal.

Kitty: Yum. I love oatmeal.

Alfred: Kitty, would you go bring me the mail? It’s down by the front door.

Kitty: Sure, daddy. (She exits)

Judy: (bringing bowls to the table) Here we are. Oatmeal for all.

Clara: (entering) I don’t think I have anything left to keep down.

Judy: Clara, go take a rest.

Clara: I- I don’t think that Malt-o-meal was done cooking yet.

Judy: I’ve got it under control. Clara, I think you should take a load off.

Alfred: You do look under the weather you should go lay down.

Kitty: Here you go, Daddy. (She hands him the mail.)

Alfred: Thank you, Kitty.

Kitty: When’s Michael coming back?

Silence.

Judy: Never.

Alfred: Why do you ask that?

Kitty: I miss him. Never? For real, he’s never coming back?

Alfred: Mommy, doesn’t know that it’s not good to never say never.

Judy: Clara, go lay down, I’ll bring you some water soon.

Clara: I would like a glass of juice.

Judy: Even better. Have a nice rest.

Clara: Mr. Alfred, may I have the paper to read while I’m in bed?

Alfred: Go right ahead. (He gives her the daily paper.)

Clara exits as Alfred eats his Malt-o-meal and Judy watches.

Kitty: I hope he comes back soon. I want to show him my painting.

Alfred: He will. Hmmm. This tastes better than ever today.

Judy: Good.

Alfred: Do you need to stare at me while I eat? (He begins opening the mail.)

Judy: Sorry. (She gets up and goes into the food prep area.)

Kitty: Where is my painting?

Judy: In the garage, where it should be.

Alfred: Not where it should, but- what the hell?

Judy: What?

Alfred: You wrote out a check for 1,000 dollars and made it out to cash?

Judy: Yes. I made a contribution.

Alfred: To what?

Judy: I don’t want to tell you.

Alfred: You better tell me.

Judy: I don’t want to. It’s silly.

Alfred: Things are going to get a whole lot sillier if you don’t tell me what you spent a thousand dollars on.

Judy: I made it out to a homeless man.

Alfred: Excuse me, what?

Judy: I felt sorry for him.

Alfred: You felt sorry for him?

Judy: Yes.

Alfred: Judy Andreas. When have you ever felt sorry for anybody but yourself?

Silence

Kitty: What does that mean?

Alfred: Nothing.

Judy: I don’t know what to say. I have to go throw up, but here is your lunch on the counter. I don’t want to speak to you for the rest of the day, you have really really hurt my feelings.

Judy exits.

Alfred: Your mother is not very smart, Kitty.

Kitty: Is she like me?

Alfred: No. She’s worse.

Kitty: Can she get better?

Alfred: I don’t think so. It’s not like that.

The doorbell rings.

Alfred: Will you go get that, Kitty?

Kitty: Sure, Dad!

Kitty runs to the front door. She opens it. A blonde man about thirty years of age stands there. He is very attractive and well-dressed.

Kitty: Can I help you?

Charles: Sure. I’m new to the neighborhood. Can I come in?

Alfred: Who is it, Kitty?

Kitty: He says his name is new to the neighbors.

Charles: Oh that’s not my name.

Alfred: What is your name, young man?

Charles: My name is Charles. I’m new to the neighborhood. I just wanted to say Hello.

Alfred: Well, hello. Is there anything I can do for you?

Charles: Not really. I just came by –wanted to introduce myself.

Judy enters.

Judy: Oh, who’s this?

Alfred: This is Charles. He’s new. I have to go to work, could you speak with the man?

Judy: Sure.

Kitty: I thought you weren’t going to talk to him.

Judy: Shhh.

Alfred: What were you saying?

Charles: Oh, my name is Charles and I just moved in.

Alfred: Well, nice to meet you, Charles-

Charles: Ozgood.

Alfred: Ozgood. I have to run and get my things for work. Have a pleasant day. (He exits up the entryway stairs.)

Charles: You as well. Again nice to meet you.

Judy: (extending her hand and her gaze) Very nice to meet you, Mr. Ozgood. Is there anything I can do for you?

Charles: Oh, no. I just live around the corner. Getting used to the surroundings, I want to introduce myself and let everyone know that I am a friendly guy.

Judy: You seem very friendly. I’m sure you’ll get along nicely in this neighborhood.

Kitty: Yeah, as long as you don’t create trouble.

Judy: Kitty means as long as you play in your own yard. Kitty sometimes has trouble understanding that.

Kitty: Yeah. Whatever.

Charles: Is this your daughter?

Judy: Oh, no no no. Of course not. She’s the daughter of my husband, Alfred who you just met.

Charles: I see.

Judy: Well is there anything I can help you with?

Charles: Maybe, but for now, I just wanted to say that I was in the neighborhood.

Judy: What do you do, Mr. Ozgood?

Charles: I’m actually looking for work, right now.

Judy: What were you doing before that? Before you moved here?

Charles: Oh a few jobs. Nothing serious.

Alfred re-enters with briefcase and lunch.

Alfred: Well if you’ll excuse me.

Judy: Oh Alfred. . .I don’t mean to meddle.

Alfred: Then don’t.

Judy: But Alfie, dear, weren’t you looking for someone in your office. . .a new secretary?

Alfred: No. No I wasn’t.

Judy: Oh, I thought you were. I thought that’s why you were staying late at the office, because you had all that work to do that she didn’t do it for you during the day.

Alfred: No.

Judy: Then she does do it for you during the day.

Alfred: Judy.

Charles: Well thank you, Mrs.-

Judy: Mrs. Andreas. And this is Alfred and this is his daughter, Kitty.

Charles: Well, very nice to meet all of you.

Judy: Well Charles, I tried. I tried to get you a job, but it just looks as if Mr. Andreas’ secretary does it for him everyday.

Alfred: You did, dear. How admirable.

Judy: You should get going, Alfie. You’re bound to be late. But you don’t seem concerned about being late to places.

Alfred: Not when you own the company. (He laughs.)

Judy: Alfie owns Goode’s Candy Company.

Alfred: I do. Now I must be off- Oh.

Judy: What is it?

Charles: Are you alright, Mr. Andreas? You don’t look well.

Alfred: I just feel faint that’s all.

Charles: Maybe you need some water.

Judy: (immediately) No.

Charles: No?

Alfred: I’ll be fine. I just need to get out of this house. I just need to drive.

Judy: He’s such a kidder.

Alfred: I’m not joking.

Charles: Do you think it’s best to get behind a wheel when you feel faint?

Judy: Yeah, do you? Let me get you a glass of water.

Alfred: I’ll be fine. Let me go, Mr. Ozgood. Thank you for your concern. But I’m leaving now. Good bye.

Charles: Good-bye.

Judy: See you at dinner?

Alfred exits.

Charles: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-

Judy: What didn’t you mean?

Charles: I’m not sure. I just felt awkward. I hope I was not offensive.

Judy: Oh, don’t worry about it. My husband is just very hard-headed.

Charles: Oh.

Clara appears at the top of the landing with paper in hand.

Judy: And this is our cook. Clara. She lives in with us.

Charles: Nice to meet you.

Clara: Uh huh.

Charles: I should be going.

Clara: Yes, you should.

Judy: Clara! Don’t be rude to our guest.

Clara: (walking away) Okay.

Judy: (extending her hand) Nice to meet you again, Mr. Ozgood. And don’t worry about my husband. He can be quite rude sometimes.

Kitty: You’re rude. My daddy is not rude.

Judy: Okay. Okay.

Charles: Well see you later. Bye.

Judy: (whispers to Charles) My husband is actually not quite with it. He’s sort of stupid. Don’t pay any attention to him. He’s getting older.

Kitty: You’re stupid. You ARE! You’re worse than RETARDED. My daddy said so.

Judy: Okay. Okay. Clara! Could you help me discipline the child? Oh foolish children.

Charles: Have a good day, Ms. Andreas. I hope to see you again.

Judy: You too.

Clara: (coming back) This was not in the job description, Ms. Judy.

Judy: Such a kidder.

Clara: Come with me into the kitchen, Kitty. I’ll find you a snack. Since you can’t eat oranges.

Judy: Nothing with sugar. Nothing. Bye, Charles. Until we meet again.

Charles: Until then. Good bye.

Charles exits. Judy goes up the entryway and down the corridor into the kitchen.

Judy: Kitty, don’t you ever yell when strangers are in our house, do you hear me?

Kitty: I don’t want to hear you.

Judy: I can’t argue with you, Kitty. I’m too tired. I have to lie down.

Judy exits.

Kitty: She called Daddy stupid, but he called her stupid. I think she’s stupid.

Clara: She is stupid. And I’m not going to tell her.

Clara throws away the newspaper which reads the headline: Sex Offender moves into local neighborhood.