21: Strong Recommendations

The next morning in the Windhover’s Master Bedroom. Camden lays in bed asleep; he wears a sleeping mask. Denise is folding laundry. She looks out the large picture window with the billowy translucent curtains. Sunshine.

Camden: Breakfast. Breakfast. Is it here yet?

Denise: Camden, Clara didn’t come in this morning.

Camden: She didn’t?

Denise: No.

Camden: Do you think that she quit?

Denise: What would you do if you were referred to as servant and talked down to 100 percent of the time?

Camden: I don’t know I’d like to think that I’d get on.

Denise: Of course you would. Hey, do you need this piece of paper?

Camden: What are they for?

Denise: Call Paula. Call back Mr. Andreas.

Camden: What did they want?

Denise: How am I supposed to know?

Camden: You have the paper.

Denise: I didn’t write this. I just found it in your pants.

Camden: Oh that must be the thing that cock-a-maimy nurse handed me.

Denise: She has bad handwriting. I could barely tell it said Paula.

Camden: She’s fine.

Denise: Well, you better call her right away, it could be an emergency.

Camden: With Paula, is anything not an emergency?

Denise: No.

Camden: Well, she didn’t call back yesterday, so she must have found Janet.

Denise: Well, sometimes Paula over-exaggerates, but let’s face it, she cares a lot more about Janet than we do.

Camden: That’s not true.

Denise: When she was able to get that place that the state pays for we were having a hell of a good time, Camden. Let’s face it. We’ve been bad parents.

Camden: We have not.

Denise: Yes, we have. Paula is the only real parent Janet ever had. Who took Janet on family vacations? Who took Janet to the national parks with their family? Paula. We never did anything like that. Who took Janet to her first amusement park ride, her first trip to the museum, who? Paula. We have never done a lot for Janet, because once we found out. . .let’s face it, we didn’t care.

Camden: That’s so harsh, Denise.

Denise: Well, I think in Janet it has produced something sinister.

Camden: Stop being a soap opera star, Denise. Janet is just fine. Paula didn’t call back because-

Denise: Because something happened to Paula. They both could be in trouble.

Camden: Calm down. Something didn’t happen to Paula.

Denise: Call her. Now.

Camden: Why didn’t she say what she wanted when she called about Janet’s disappearance?

Denise: I don’t know.

Camden: Maybe that is all she wanted to talk to me about.

Denise: And that message was taken in the afternoon which was even way, way before we first heard about Janet’s disappearance, if Janet has been missing for that long!!!

Camden: Fine. I’ll call to make sure everything is okay. Are you happy now, darling?

Denise: I’ll be happy when Clara returns.

Camden: I wonder if she will.

Paula and Janet enter the library. Paula is all ecstatic and Janet has a sea of wonder in her eyes. Paula takes Janet by the hand and they walk over into the magazine section. Paula leads Janet over into the wedding magazines. They start collecting the magazines and then they take them over to a table and sit down and begin to page through them.

Janet: I wish Michael was here.

Paula: Yeah.

Janet: I really do. You wouldn’t let him come if I asked if he could, would you?

Paula: What are you saying?

Janet: You wouldn’t want Michael to come here.

Paula: I didn’t say that.

Janet: Well after I asked if he could come along, you said: oh didn’t you say he had to go exchange that frame which was too small. . . how could he come along?

Paula: I said that.

Janet: So? It sounded mean.

Paula: I didn’t mean it meanly.

Janet: How did you mean it?

Paula: I meant it in a kind way. In a responsibilities first kind of way.

Janet: Oh.

Paula: You remember learning about your responsibilities in that unit that we did when you were in school.


Janet: Yes.

Paula: You know they are important.

Janet: Yes. I do.

Paula: Now let’s keep looking. These are what a wedding should be like.

Janet: How do you mean?

Paula: These magazines show the way weddings should be in their utmost fashionable. Like look at this Wedding Bride to Be book. It shows all of the latest fashions . . .

Janet: Do men look at these books?

Paula: No, I don’t think so.

Janet: If the men never see these types of engagement rings, how do they know what to get?

Paula: They know what to get. The women who read these give them ideas. Oh look at that. I see you don’t have a ring.

Janet: No. I guess I don’t.

Paula: Didn’t Michael get you an engagement ring?

Janet: No. He gave me a band-aid once.

Paula: Oh. Well does that count? Is that love? Wouldn’t you want one of these fashionable lovies. . .

Janet: No, I wouldn’t want Michael to have to spend (reading) 2,000 dollars on a wedding ring. I don’t think he has a lot of money.

Paula: No? He works for his father doing something.

Janet: He comes over dirty a lot.

Paula: Strange.

Janet: Yeah, I guess.

Paula: But what does that mean?

Janet: I’m not sure.

Paula: I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Just like those puzzles.

Janet: I do want an engagement ring.

Paula: You have to do things right. You have to get to the bottom of his behavior.

Janet: Yes, I do.

Paula: Exactly. Now you are special, so you should get the most expensive dress. Let’s turn to that. . .

Paula’s Cell phone rings. Several annoyed patrons “Shhhh!” Janet and Paula. Janet looks around scared.

Paula: It’s your dad. I should answer it. Excuse me.

Janet: I’ll just look at all these fashionable lovelys. All the rage while you are on the phone.

Paula: Camden, Paula here.

Camden: How do you do?

Paula gets up and enters the maze of rows of books every once in awhile she passes an annoyed patron or someone shhh’s her.

Paula: Cut the crap. Your daughter is marrying a lunatic.

Camden: What do you mean?

Paula: That boy is not right.

Camden: Is she all right?

Paula: She’s fine. We’re at the library right now.

Camden: What’s wrong with Michael whatsisname?

Paula: That’s just it, Cam, nobody knows his last name.

Camden: Oh. I thought I had heard it from somewhere.

Paula: No, and he evades saying it.

Camden: Strange. What else has he done?

Paula: Strange things. Weird things.

Camden: Like?

Paula: He accused me of Indian Giving.

Camden: What? How?

Paula: My son broke one of Janet’s frames and I gave her money to replace it. But Michael brought her another as a gift so I wanted the money back. I was to replace the frame but not to buy Janet a gift. Get me?

Camden: No, actually. You gave the money to Janet to send a token of your sorrow at your horrid little boy breaking her things.

Paula: Camden, we can argue, argue, argue all night, but that’s not going to end this quabble, I mean quibble, I mean squabble. Look you’ve got me all worked up now.

Camden: I think you may be over reacting.

Paula: You can’t think of anything strange about Michael? You know nothing about him.

Camden: I know he is a volunteer firefighter.

Paula: Exactly, that’s just it. I called his work to speak to him.

Camden: Odd. Why would you need to speak to him?

Paula: At first just to be nosey and see if he worked there, but then I called because I found an excuse in Janet’s paper work.

Camden: What excuse? What paperwork are you still doing for Janet?

Paula: Her house. Since Michael has moved in there.

Camden: Michael has moved in with Janet?

Paula: Of course.

Denise: What? Tell me you are kidding.

Paula: Her house isn’t going to be subsidized anymore.

Camden: That is why you should call me, not to bitch about this young buck.

Paula: Well that was the original reason I am calling, but as Janet’s friend, I thought you should know this other personal stuff too.

Camden: Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you.

Paula: Don’t you think that’s odd?

Camden: That I’m probably going to have to pay her rent now. Yes. That is very odd.

Paula: NO. The fact that Michael has moved in there. Has he gotten her an engagement ring? When is the wedding? There are no plans for a wedding. Do you see how this is strange? I don’t want Michael to be one of those parasites who sucks Janet dry for everything she has.

Camden: He won’t do that. He just got accepted to Yale.

Paula: He’s giving up Yale for Janet?

Camden: I know I thought the same thing, but then I forgot about worrying about it. I am a busy man, Paula.

Paula: Yes. Yes. I know. But how do you know that he actually got accepted?

Camden: Well I was going to telephone these next couple of days and make some good recommendations for Michael for when he goes to school there.

Paula: Do it today. That’ll prove if he goes to Yale.

Camden: But what is his last name?

Paula: We don’t know. I don’t even think Janet knows.

Janet is on the other side of the bookshelf suddenly.

Camden: She must know.

Paula: No, I do not think she knows the last name of the man she is going to marry.

Camden: Well go and ask her.

Paula: What am I going to say? What’s your boyfriend’s last name?

Janet: Yes.

Paula: Camden. Hold on. Janet is that you?

Janet: Yes, I’m over here.

Paula: How much of that did you hear?

Janet: Do you want to know Michael’s last name?

Paula: Yes. Can you give it to me?

Janet: No. I don’t know what it is.

Janet walks off.

Camden: What did she say?

Paula: She said she doesn’t know what it is.

Camden: Did she hear everything we were talking about?

Paula: No. I don’t think so.

Camden: Good. I will call and make my recommendation today.

Paula: I don’t know what you are recommending him for, but okay. . .

Camden: I’m recommending him for special treatment, if he chooses to go. . .it gives Yale boys special treatment in certain social settings of the campus if he gets several recommendations from those of extinguished notoriety who claim the house as their alma mater.

Paula: Lovely. Well whatever you Yale boys do. Do it. And find out whatever you can.

Camden: I will. But I think you are overreacting, Paula.

Paula: Okay. Alright. I’m going to go sit with Janet, please do it and call me back.

Camden: I will, Pushy Paula.

Paula: Yeah. Yeah. Hurry. Bye.

Camden: Good-bye.

Camden sits in bed. Denise sits on the end of the bed.

Denise: What is it?

Camden: Janet’s subsidy is going away.

Denise: Why?

Camden: Oh. Because the boy moved in.

Denise: He moved in? Already?

Camden: I guess so.

Denise: Isn’t that kind of fast?

Camden: I would imagine. But think of how expensive a place like hers is going to be. Oh bother.

Denise: What was Paula so upset about?

Camden: Oh she thinks Michael is some sort of sociopath sucking the life out of our daughter.

Denise: What do you think?

Camden: I think I’m going to be sad if I have to pay more rent out for our daughter.

Denise: Yes, Camden, Yes. You should try Clara’s cell phone again, I’m starving.

Camden: First, I have to make a phone call to my old alma honey mat-ter.

Denise: Yes, dear.

Camden: (after dialing and waiting) Hello?

Girl: Yale Admissions.

Camden: Hello, this is Camden Windhover the third calling.

Girl: (typing and then reading) Oh Yes, Dr. Camden. How can I help you today?

Camden: I’m calling to recommend a friend of mine who recently got accepted to your prestigious institution.

Girl: Yeah? What does recommend mean?

Camden: You don’t know what recommend is?

Girl: No. It wasn’t in our training, sir. Are you recommending him to go here?

Camden: No. He has already been accepted. . .

Girl: Then why would you need to recommend him?

Camden: You know. Because. For the privileges.

Girl: What are those?

Camden: If you don’t know, I certainly can’t tell you about the recommending and the privileges. It’s practically a secret society. Only the special. . . only the recommended know about it.

Girl: Oh so like all the rich, white kids who go here?

Camden: No, umm I didn’t mean that. Just put it down on his file that I, Camden Windhover III, recommended him.

Girl: But I still don’t know what that is.

Camden: Just write recommended, my name, and the date and initial it. Can you handle that?

Girl: I guess so, but nobody is going to know what it means.

Camden: Your boss will.

Girl: Okay, but my boss doesn’t really know what’s going on around here. She’s a college drop out and doesn’t even go to Yale. And she’s black.

Camden: I don’t care about the race of your boss at all. Now just do this.

Girl: Fine and then afterwards can I just bombard you with calls about scholarships and giving money back to the school, Doctor Camden Three?

Camden: It’s Camden Windhover the THIRD, missy and I don’t like your smarmy tone. I want you to calm down and do what I say alright? Quite. I don’t know what liberal minded piece of fucking fruit allowed this type of professionalism to cloud the customer service of my alma mata(rolls the r)rrr, but I want you to recommend this person, I don’t care who understands it.

Girl: Fine. What’s his name?

Camden: That’s the problem. I only know his first name.

Girl: He better have one awesome first name.

Camden: Michael.

Girl: You need to be more specific sir. Many Michaels have been accepted.

Camden: He’s white.

Girl: That only cut two guys out of the mix.

Camden: Remember I said, he’s white and he just applied this year.

Girl: Okay, you’re down to thirty names.

Camden: Ummm. What else do I know?

Girl: You don’t know a lot about this guy and you’re recommending him?

Camden: Quiet, you!

Girl: Let’s see what is his major?

Camden: I don’t know.

Girl: What does he like?

Camden: My daughter, he’s going to marry her.

Girl: Congratulations. But that’s not going to cut it.

Denise: Can they search the database by occupation? He’s a volunteer firefighter for the county.

Girl: I heard her. Yes. There are two names now.

Camden: Oh yes. He’s a volunteer firefighter.

Girl: Okay. You got it. His name is Michael Sandera. He lives in your town.

Camden: Oh, I suppose I could have searched by town now couldn’t I?

Girl: Yeah. I s’pose you could.

Denise: Oh. Why didn’t we think of that?

Camden: Did you put it in there? Recommended. Camden Windhover the Third. Not three or whatever you were driveling about.

Girl: Got it.

Camden: Then the date. Then your initials. Hello? Have you written it?

Girl: Yes.

Camden: Read it back. Wait. No. How did you spell my name? Did you spell it right?

Girl: Sir, it’s here on my computer.

Camden: Oh, so you don’t know my name from my voice?

Girl: Mr. Windhover.

Camden: Doctor.

Girl: Doctor Windhover. I spelled your name from the computer spelling. . .I actually cut and pasted it. So I didn’t even type it.

Camden: How is it spelled?

Girl: How?

Camden: Yes.

Girl: W-Y-N

Camden: Stop. Not that spelling. That is the old English spelling. I knew something was wrong there. The school sells my name doesn’t it?

Girl: What do you mean?

Camden: The school sells my names to corporations that make prescription drugs, doesn’t it?

Girl: I don’t know.

Camden: I always get things in the mail using that spelling of my name. But I don’t have a Y so the only place they could have gotten my name like that is from you guys.

Girl: Maybe.

Camden: I caught you. Anyway now you’ve fixed it I’m sure.

Girl: Uh huh.

Camden: Read it back to me –what you wrote.

Girl: I typed just what you told me: (doing British) ‘Recommended. Camden Windhover the Third. Not three or whatever you were driveling about.’

Camden: Erase it.

Girl: All of it? You want me to erase the whole stupid thing?

Camden: No. Just the bad parts.

Girl: All of it is bad. It’s stupid.

Camden: What kind of respect is this?

Girl: Nevermind. It’s done. Anything else can I get you today?

Camden: No.

Girl: Good-day. Bye.

She slams the phone down chomping her gum.

Camden: Good Grief. I really wish Clara was here now.

Denise: Did you make the recommendation?

Camden: Yes. But I tell you that the school doesn’t really treat you that well once you graduate. They just want your money and your fame to claim.

Denise: And they got that from you.

Camden: I suppose. But she didn’t know who I was.

Denise: She sounded like an idiot.

Camden: His last name is Sandera. I wonder who that is.

Denise: I haven’t heard of that family in this town.

Camden: Neither have I.

Denise: Are you going to call Mr. Andreas back?

Camden: No. That’s one prick I wouldn’t mind if I never talked to again. He might not know me, but I know him and he’s the reason that all of those people come to me in the first place.

Denise: Your patients?

Camden: Yes. Because of his gummy candy factory that clogs everybody’s arteries.

Denise: Maybe it’s important.

Camden: Maybe it has nothing to do with anything good in this town.

Denise: Oh. I didn’t realize you had such a hatred for a man you hardly know.

Camden: I don’t know him at all, but I know the results of his work. . .he’s an unhealthy man in every fashion. If it’s an emergency, he’ll call me.

Denise: Do you think we should do anything about Michael?

Camden: No. If Mr. Michael Sandera is moving in with Janet, he can foot the bill for the rent, don’t you think?

Denise: That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.

Camden: If Mr. Sandera is any kind of good fellow at all, he’ll foot the bill.

Denise: We hope. (pause) What if Paula’s right?

Camden: Paula’s a kook, dear. A pure unadulterated kook. Pay her no mind or you’re sure to lose yours.

Denise: I need to get Clara in here.

Camden: Yes, my brain has gone dry.

Denise: And I’m starving.