Roberto’s Uncle. Lunchtime rush. Dora, John’s large daughter, is the hostess. Jessica, Sarah, Tom, and Clark are serving. Paula enters the hustle and bustle. Her purse nearly hangs to the floor as she holds it by the end of the strap. Her eyes are weary and she doesn’t blink.
Dora: Hi Paula.
Paula: (Silence.)
Dora: Paula? How are you doing?
Paula: (Silence)
Dora: Are you meeting some people, Paula?
Paula: (Silence.)
Dora: Hello?
Paula: Oh. I’m sorry. No. No. It’s just me.
Dora: Did you make a reservation today?
Paula: No. I’m just here for some lunch.
Dora: Paula, we’re pretty full today. I don’t know if I have a table for you.
Paula: That’s okay. I’ll sit at the bar.
Dora: Wait just a second. That table is getting up. Hold on.
Paula: Okay. Thanks.
Paula rubs her eyes and fights tears. The restaurant is a living, breathing organism and does not take notice of Paula’s distress. She goes up to the jukebox and stares into the glass. Soon she sees her own reflection.
Paula: (thinking) Who am I going to call? Who could I call? Did they know I was there? Did they know it was me? Oh God. Oh God. How do I stop this? I don’t have any proof. Should I call the police? What would you say, Paula? Oh these two gay men are planning something for my friend with down syndrome. Yes, one of them wants to marry her. But why? Why does he want to marry her? He doesn’t care for her. That much is obvious. Hmmm. What is it? What is missing?
Dora: (through the mixture of voices) Paula. . . .Paula. . .Paula.
Paula: Oh. I’m sorry.
Dora: Oh that’s okay. Your table is ready.
Paula: Thanks.
Dora: Are you sure you are okay?
Paula: I’m fine. I’m just extremely tired.
Dora: Aren’t we all?
Paula: (disinterested) How are you, Dora?
Dora: Oh, you know. Same old. Over-worked and Unde- appreciated.
Paula: I understand.
Dora: Are you sure you are okay?
Paula: I’m fine.
Dora: You don’t look fine.
Paula: I will be. Just bring me some seltzer water. I need to calm my stomach.
Dora: I’ll let your server know.
Paula: So how have you been, Dora?
Dora: I’d fill you in on all the antics of my father’s restaurant, but I gotta get back up front and seat people. Enjoy your lunch.
Paula: Thanks.
Paula sits at a table in the very back. She takes out her journal and tears a page out of it. She tears the pages into smaller squares and on each of them she writes words: (1.) Janet, my best friend. 2. Michael Sandera. 3. Yale 4. Goode 5. Firefighter 6. What does it mean? 7. Marriage? 8. What do you gain? Jessica appears.
Jessica: Hi there. Welcome to Roberto’s Uncle. Can I start you off with some bottled water?
Paula: Oh, yes, I asked Dora for some seltzer water.
Jessica: Would you like to start with a salad?
Paula: Oh no thank you.
Jessica: Are you sure?
Paula: I’m very sure. I’m not very hungry.
Jessica: Uh huh. I’ll be right back with your water.
Paula re-arranges the words on the table. Behind the bar, Clark and Thomas prepare trays of drinks to go out to customers. Jessica comes up front.
Jessica: I’ve got the cheapest lady at table 4.
Clark: Don’t worry about it babe. You’ll just stress yourself out.
Dora: That lady is one of my dad’s good friends. But yeah, she was pretty annoying to seat. What do I have to do? Seat people all day? She just stared at the jukebox, like I have nothing better to do, but wait. Sure. I’ll wait. No problem.
Dora exits the bar area.
Tom: Isn’t that her job?
Clark: Yeah, I’ll never understand her. . .or be able to stand her.
Sarah enters the bar area.
Sarah: Do you have any questions? If you do, you can let me know.
Tom: No. I feel good about it. It’s a lot easier than my last job.
Sarah: What was that?
Tom: A Chinese restaurant. Working there made me realize why world wars are fought.
Sarah: What do you mean?
Tom: The kitchen was Vietnamese. The bus people were from Ecuador. The owners were Chinese. Mexican dishwasher. . .oh and white, European mixture of college servers and nobody ever got along.
Sarah: That’s not a war. . .that’s the restaurant business.
Tom: Maybe. But the bitterness and rage that just grew out of that place was fucking unreal.
Jessica: (bringing forth the water) Here’s your seltzer water, cheapie.
Tom: That’s all she’s getting? Did she see the minimum of 10 dollars for lunch on the bottom of the menu?
Jessica: No, but I’m gonna tell her about it.
Tom: Yeah, I was wondering if I should enforce that or-
Jessica exits the bar area. In the middle of the restaurant, Jessica and Clark stop to talk. Sarah and Tom observe.
Sarah: The minimum that Domino and Sherry put on the bottom of the menu? Nobody really enforces it. Unless you are a bad server, like Jessica.
Tom: Is he the father?
Sarah: No. Big fiasco.
Tom: Wow.
Sarah: Yeah, Clark. . . welcome to fatherhood. Fucking disgusting.
Tom: I couldn’t imagine being a father right now.
Sarah: Let alone with HER as the mother. (They laugh.)
Paula at her table.
Paula: (thinking, rearranging the pieces) How does this fit? What does Michael want. . .hmmmm. Use Logic, Paula. Use logic. Hmmm. Michael is just a plain old boy. He meets Janet. How? How did they meet? I don’t know that. She never said how they met. But they meet and what they start dating? They don’t really have any physical interaction. Plus he finds out that she has a disability. . .but yet he stays. He carries on with her. Why? Why? Yale. Goode. Why is he so protective about that golden chocolate bar? What doesn’t he want me to know about that chocolate bar. . .hmmmm. Yale. He tells everyone that he is going to Yale. But is he? And why is his last name not listed. . .he should be listed. Hmmm. All dead ends. What does Janet have that Michael could want? Nothing. Think deeper, Paula. Think.
Jessica: (approaching) Here’s your water. Were you ready to order?
Paula: I’m afraid I haven’t even looked at the menu.
Jessica: Well just to let you know when you do that there is a ten dollar minimum.
Paula: I have to spend ten dollars?
Jessica: Yes. Company policy. But I’ll give you a few minutes and come back.
Paula: Thank you. (thinking) Just think. Think. Yale. Yale. The letter he received was postmarked yesterday. . .but that was his letter of acceptance. . .but he seemed to know that he was accepted for a long time. Hmmm. All those schools are are politics and old money. Does Michael come from old money? Sandera. . .something seems familiar about the name. Money. That’s the only thing that Janet’s family has that Michael could want. . .but even if he marries her he couldn’t get it. . .not unless. . .
Paula drops her water and the bottle crashes to the ground. The restaurant grows quiet and stares.
Paula: Sorry.
Tom, Clark, and Jessica rush over to clean up the mess. Dora stops over too.
Dora: Been drinking this morning, Paula?
Paula: Oh, no. Just nervous. Sorry about this.
Dora: It’s fine. Jessica can get you another one. Can’t you.
Jessica: Yeah. Oh Clark can you pick that up? I can’t reach.
Paula: Oh you are pregnant?
Jessica: Yeah. Sometime this month, I’m gonna have the baby.
Paula: Are you and the father happy?
Jessica: I’m happy. I’ll be right back with your water. (Jessica exits the area.)
Dora: She’s on the outs with her man, right now. Big drama.
Paula: I see.
Tom: Are you okay?
Paula: I’m fine.
Tom: I just see that the glass is at your feet. You didn’t get cut did you?
Paula: Oh no. I’m fine. I think I’m fine. (She puts her hands on the table. She’s shaking.)
Tom: You’re shaking.
Dora: Are you okay, Paula?
Paula: I’ll be fine.
Dora: Do you want a coffee or anything?
Paula: Since I have to spend ten dollars, why not.
Dora: Oh, we don’t enforce that.
Paula: Your server told me that you did.
Dora: Oh. Well not for you. You’re our friend.
Paula: Thanks.
Dora: Well I’ll let you get back to whatever you’re doing.
Paula: Thank you. I just need to be alone right now.
Dora, Tom, and Clark walk away. Paula goes back to her pieces. Jessica walks back with a water.
Paula: I’d also like a coffee too.
Jessica: Oh really?
Paula: Yes. Is that a problem?
Jessica: No. Not at all.
Paula: Thank you.
Jessica: Are you ready to order or should I come back for that too?
Paula: I’m not ready.
Jessica: Well if I might make a recommendation the Port salad is really good.
Paula: What’s that?
Jessica: That’s what they call the salad with grilled Portobello mushrooms. Tastes like steak.
Paula: Just bring my coffee. For now.
Jessica exits the area.
Paula: (thinking) So they are lovers? God. God. This is too weird. I can’t believe it. Well he wasn’t buying a car that was for sure. They must have been discussing something. I don’t know what to do. Hmmm. I can’t call the police and report a murder. A murder hasn’t happened yet. But will it? Am I over-reacting? What if they knew I was there the whole time? Men don’t kiss like that unless- They meant it. My God. I have to tell somebody. Mr. Camden. I’ll call Camden. I have to tell him. I have to warn somebody.
At the bar. Jessica, Tom, Dora, Sarah, and Clark.
Dora: Okay. From now on. I’m not naming names, but nobody enforce the minimum without management’s approval. Ask me, I’m the manager.
Jessica: So what? I’m just not supposed to make any money?
Dora: Look at how busy we are. You’ll make money.
Jessica: No. No. No when somebody orders salad and seltzer water and coffee. That is not money. . .that’s- that’s cheap. That’s what that is.
Dora: So what? You chose this profession.
Clark: So did you. You better get the door. Some people are waiting to be seated.
Dora: Nobody listens to me around here. (she exits the area)
Clark: I wonder why.
Tom snickers.
Jessica: How am I supposed to survive when people are cheap and order that?
Tom: Maybe they are cheap because they are trying to survive.
Sarah: Yeah. But Tom. . .one rule of thumb is. . .don’t defend the cheap customer. It’ll come back to bite you.
Tom: Oh, I don’t condone cheap customers. I want to make some money too. But I just want to be treated with respect and I hate it when people try to make me order stuff. I guess I just serve with the golden rule.
Sarah: If everybody that worked here followed the golden rule, ha- everybody treats everybody else like shit.
Tom: Shitty.
Clark: Sarah you have food up in the kitchen.
Sarah: Thanks. (She exits.)
Tom: Are you-
Clark: Am I what?
Tom: Are you and Jessica-
Clark: What do you think?
Tom: I don’t know.
Clark: Is it obvious?
At Paula’s table. She puts her cell phone away.
Paula: (thinking) No answer. It’s always messages with that man. AND he never calls me back. He doesn’t care. Nobody does. If I don’t do something. Something will happen. Well of course something will happen. Something is always happening. . .oh damn.
Jessica: Are you ready yet? Here’s your coffee.
Paula: Thanks.
Jessica: Well?
Paula: I am afraid I haven’t even looked at the menu, but I’ll have that Port Salad that you were talking about.
Jessica: The port?
Paula: Yes. Yes. That. That one, right there.
Jessica: Okay, I’ll put that in for you.
Paula: Do I get some bread? Could I have some bread? Wait. No. No bread. I don’t need it.
Jessica: Okay. No bread. No problem. (Jessica walks away.)
Paula: (thinking) There must be something I’m missing. Something. Think Paula. Think.
At the Bar. Jessica. Dora. Tom. Clark.
Jessica: Should I ask him?
Clark: Ask him if you want.
Jessica: Tom?
Tom: Yeah?
Dora: (screaming) Who didn’t refill the carafe of ice tea? Damn it all to hell. I’m not talking for my health you know. How come this didn’t get done?
Silence. The bar stops talking, including customers, and everyone stares at Dora.
Dora: Awww. Fuck. (Dora exits through a backdoor behind the bar.)
Clark: (to Tom) Don’t worry about that. She’s a little crazy. I just ignore it.
Tom: I see.
Jessica: Yeah weekly occurrence.
Clark: Weekly? Everyday she’s bitching. That’s why I can’t work here everyday. Get burned out, man. I’m telling you.
Tom: What were you going to ask me?
Jessica: Could you possibly help me move to my new place this weekend?
Tom: Ummm.
Jessica: Clark’s gonna come and we are gonna get some pizza and I’ll ummm pay you.
Tom: I have to check my schedule.
Jessica: Well let me know. It’s not that much stuff. And it’s not that far. A couple of hours at the most.
Tom: I’ll get back to you.
Jessica: Can you call me tonight? As soon as you are off your shift?
Clark: We really do need somebody to help us.
Jessica: And like I said. I’d pay.
Tom: Well that is an incentive and I do need money.
Jessica: Let me know.
Tom: Okay. I will. Thanks for the offer.
Sarah: You have a Port Salad up in the back, Jessica.
Jessica: Oh cheap lady’s food is up. Be right back.
Clara and Judy enter.
Dora: Do you have a reservation?
Judy: No, we don’t I’m afraid.
Dora: Well we are all full.
Judy: What about that table over there?
Dora: What about it?
Judy: Those people are getting up, aren’t they?
Dora: Yeah, looks like it.
Judy: (looks to Clara) May we sit there?
Dora: You’ll have to wait. (Dora stalks off.)
Judy: Not very nice here are they.
Clara: No, ma’m.
Judy: She said we’ll have to wait, but she didn’t say how long.
Clara: I think they are clearing the table now. Do you think that we should call a doctor for Mr. Alfred?
Judy: No. He’ll be fine.
Clara: He didn’t look fine.
Judy: He’s fine.
Clara: He’s your husband. Shouldn’t you be worried?
Judy: I was. But I’m not now.
Clara: Why? He can barely get out of bed.
Judy: Alfred has been very mad at my spending money lately and taking him to the hospital would be expensive.
Clara: He looks deathly ill, Ms. Judy.
Judy: Oh, no he doesn’t. Now we are gonna have a nice lunch and we’ll go visit him. Okay? The only reason we are here is the fact that Alfie is home. If we weren’t, one of us would have to be watching, Kitty.
Clara: Si, one of us.
Dora: Table’s ready. Follow me.
Dora throws the menus down at the table next to Paula. Clara and Judy are seated. Jessica comes with the salad.
Jessica: Here’s your Port Salad.
Paula: Wait. What is this?
Jessica: The salad that you ordered.
Paula: I said Pork. I pointed to the pork tenderloin salad.
Jessica: No, you said Port and I repeated it back to you.
Paula: Well I want the Pork one. I’m sorry. I meant the pork one. I’m sure I said Pork.
Jessica: Yeah.
Dora: What’s the problem?
Jessica: I just had a hearing problem again. I got the letters mixed up and accidentally brought her the wrong salad. I must have heard wrong. They sound so similar.
Paula: Don’t worry I’m not mad.
Jessica: Good. That makes one of us-
Dora: Sorry, Paula.
Jessica: For a pork salad.
Judy: Mr. Andreas just seems to have the flu today. Don’t worry about him.
Clara: But I do.
Paula: (thinking) That must be some relation to Alfred Andreas. The owner of Goode candy company. Andreas. ANDREAS! (shouting) Oh thank you, port salad! Thank you!
Paula gets up and runs into the bathroom.
Clara: Maybe he got food poisoning . . .like we did?
Judy: Maybe. But you have been cooking the meals, so it would have been your fault. But let’s not argue about this. Let’s talk about us.
Clara: I’m not sure why you asked me out to lunch.
Judy: Because I think of you as a friend and I thought it’d be a nice thing to do.
Clara: I think you need more to do.
Jessica: (coming over with the right salad) Don’t tell me she walked out on her food.
Judy: I think that lady went to the bathroom.
Jessica: Oh. She better have. (She puts the salad down.)
Carol and Beau enter the restaurant. Beau has his arm through Carol’s.
Carol: I don’t know why you are asking about her. I really don’t. I told you she didn’t want to come today. She had plans about dessert or something.
Beau: Oh.
Carol: Besides. . .what about me?
Beau: What about you?
Carol: Can’t we just enjoy a nice lunch without having to worry about anything?
Beau: I guess.
Carol: Thanks for taking me out to lunch, Beau.
Beau: But I thought you were paying.
Carol: I am. Oh you’ve gone and ruined my fantasy.
Beau: Sorry.
Dora: (approaches) How many?
Carol: Two.
Dora: Do you have a reservation? We’re rather full.
Carol: No. No we don’t.
Dora: Does anybody make reservations anymore? Do you want to sit at the bar?
Beau: Sure.
Carol: The bar? That’s not romantic.
Beau: It’s lunch, Carol. Not a candlelight dinner.
Carol: The bar is fine. I have to go to the restroom. I’ll be right back, sweetie.
Carol enters the restroom and inside one of the stalls, Paula is on the phone. Carol stops and listens.
Paula: Hi, Mr. Andreas. This is Paula Pluckston. You don’t know me. I’m a case worker at the Beverly Judith Berry House. I have something very important to talk to you about. It could be a matter of life and death. Please call me back at your earliest convenience. I’m sorry that I called your office, but I couldn’t get your home number. It’s unlisted. Thanks. Bye.
Paula exits the stall and sees Carol looking in the mirror.
Carol: Oh, hello Ms. Pluckston.
Paula: Hello, Carol. I have something that I have been meaning to speak to you about.
Carol: Oh dearie, what could that be.
Paula: Listen. No more labor from Janet. At all. Unless it’s at the fruit stand AND she gets paid.
Carol: She’s a grown woman and she can do what she wants Ms. Pluckston. If I invite her over to-
Paula: It won’t be to sip lemonade on your porch. It’ll be to use and abuse her. I heard about this this morning. It’s going to end. Now.
Carol: Good day to you, miss.
Paula: I’m serious, Carol. I mean it.
Clara enters the bathroom.
Carol: Over my dead body.
Paula: Don’t make promises like that Carol, they may come to bite you in the ass.
Carol: (to Clara) What a bitch.
Paula exits the bathroom triumphantly and goes back to her table. Jessica appears immediately.
Jessica: How is everything tasting here?
Paula: Great! Just Great!
Paula’s phone starts ringing.
Paula: Oh, excuse me, please.
Judy observes.
Paula: Hello? Sue? Oh. Oh I almost forgot about the appointment. (to Jessica) Could I get the check please?
Jessica: Do you want a box?
Paula: I’m so sorry, Sue. I’ll be right in. I forgot you asked if you could leave early. I’m sorry. I can’t wait for the check. Here. Here. (She scrounges for money in her wallet, jams it into Jessica’s hands.)
Jessica: (getting handed a wad) Thanks. Have a good day.
Paula exits the restaurant making a scene.
Judy: That lady was in a hurry.
Clara appears.
Clara: And she loca too.
At the Bar.
Jessica: She left me a ten cent tip! Geez.
Carol: She’s kind of a cheap lady. Big about money, sweetie. Don’t let it worry you.
Dora: (screaming) How many times Jessica! Don’t talk about the customers behind the bar!
Everyone becomes silent and pauses.
Carol: Oh dear.
No comments:
Post a Comment