7: A Sugarless Comparison

The Andreas Living Room. Judy sits on the couch. She has been crying. The painting is still hung in the living room and no one has cleaned up the spilled carrot juice. Alfred enters hurriedly, but not that fast. He is in his mid-seventies, but still very active.

Judy: What took you so long?

Alfred: I had a long day at the office.

Judy: So? I could be dead now. We could be dead now.

Alfred: I wouldn't be dead.

Judy: No, Michael could have come back and killed both me and Kitty by now.

Alfred: My son would never ever do that, now get that out of your head.

Judy: Alfred, he’s mean.

Alfred: He’s not. He just has a temper. What’s for dinner?

Judy: Nothing. I haven’t had the strength to prepare anything.

Alfred: You fired the cook and my daughter’s nurse. I’m not sure these are wise decisions. Are you even taking care of my daughter?

Judy: What kind of question is that?

Alfred: You can’t even have dinner on the table when I get home. I’m starving.

Judy: Alfred, I’m sorry-

Alfred: Don’t be sorry, just have it ready.

Judy: Sometimes you aren’t even here. How am I to know when to make enough?

Alfred: Always plan that I am to be home.

Judy: You haven’t been home on time in three weeks.

Alfred: Who’s counting?

Judy: Alfred, your son threatened to burn down the house.

Alfred: He isn’t serious.

Judy: How do you know?

Alfred: My son would never do such a thing.

Judy: Alfred, Alfred, listen to me. How do you know? He pushed me up against the wall. He slapped me.

Alfred: Keep the doors locked.

Judy: So why are you at work all this time?

Alfred: I have to work late.

Judy: Same old story, huh?

Alfred: What are you talking about?

Judy: I remember what happened when you “worked late” when I was your secretary.

Alfred: Are you accusing me of something?

Judy: (Silence) No.

Alfred: Good. The market is really bad right now. Nobody is buying any candy right now. Nobody. We’re working around the clock to find a way to fix profits. You want to still live in this house?

Judy: Alfie, Michael threatened to burn down the house.

Alfred: He wouldn’t do it. His sister is here. He loves her. (noticing) Like the painting.

Judy: That? I didn’t buy that. Michael brought it.

Alfred: Did he hang it too?

Judy: You haven’t spoken with him in three years.

Alfred: Four.

Judy: So what? Four!? That’s worse. He’s your son. Make nice with him.

Alfred: Make nice? That would require a lot of work. I don’t have that time. The boy is in a phase-

Judy: He’s 24 years old. He’s not in a phase. He admitted that when the shed burned down seven years ago, it was because he lit it on fire. Hello? Hello? Are you listening? Don’t you see what he is trying to do. Seven years is not a phase. He’s trying to kill me!

Alfred: He’s trying to scare you.

Judy: He’s dangerous. He tried to kill me, I don’t care what you say.

Alfred: He did not. (He exits into the kitchen and goes to the kitchen counter. Judy follows.)

Judy: Alfie, let’s move. Let’s get away from here completely. Alfie- What are you doing?

Alfred: Plugging in my cellular phone. The battery is low. Please don’t touch it. I’m expecting some very important calls. Where am I supposed to plug this in?

Judy: Can you listen to me please?

Alfred: I’m very hungry. Stop over-reacting.

Judy: What are you trying to do?

Alfred: So many things are plugged into this one outlet. I wanted to make a sandwich. How on earth am I supposed to have a toasted sandwich if I can’t even plug in a toaster?

Judy: Unplug your phone.

Alfred: No. I told you. I need it for important calls. Oh Clara left her can opener. We don’t need a motorized can opener. I don’t have arthritis. I can unplug this, can’t I?

Judy: I don’t know, can you? Or should I do it. After all, I’m the wife.

Alfred: Be my guest, Judy. Be my guest.

Judy goes to the wall amidst a tangle of cords and plugs and yanks the plug out for the electric can opener. She takes the can opener and throws it into the trash.

Alfred: Maybe cook wanted that back?

Judy: Forget about it. I don’t know what to do anymore, Alfie. I don’t.

Alfred: You should get a hobby. You just work out all day. Oh stop your crying.

Judy: Do you even love me anymore?

Alfred: Where’s Kitty?

Judy: Sleeping. I put her to bed.

Alfred: At this hour?

Judy: It’s late.

Alfred: Oh stop. Get over yourself.

Judy: Do you even hear me anymore?

Alfred: I hear a lot of whining.

Judy: I had a trying day. Don’t you think I’m upset?

Alfred: Yes. But you have to calm down. You are over reacting.

Judy: Oh. Am I? You want to see over reacting? I’ll give you over reacting. I’m going to buy a gun.

Alfred: Judy-

Judy: Oh don’t worry, it’s not for me. But I can understand why she did that to herself now, I can, Alfred. You are a horrible husband. Horrible. I see why Michael’s bitter. I see why this whole family is screwed up, but I wasn’t here back then and it’s unfair for your bitterness and his bitterness to be taken out on me. I may be upset, but I’ll have you know that I won’t follow her path. No, this is for Michael. I have to look out for number one, Alfred. You have to understand that. I don’t care if you won’t do anything. But I won’t call the police next time. This is the third time in two years, he has come here to harass me.

Alfred: He came to visit his sister. He misses her.

Judy: That may be true, but he can’t beat me up in the process! I’m a person too.

Alfred: So what will you do with the gun?

Judy: I’ll kill him.

Alfred: Oh stop.

Judy: I will. You could save his life, by telling him to stay away from here. But if you don’t, his blood will be on your hands, just like-

Alfred: Go ahead say it.

Judy: Is that any kind of thing to say to me? It takes two to tango.

Alfred: But both of you have to stay dancing and I don’t really feel like dancing with you tonight. I just don’t care. I’m tired. I just want to be left alone.

Judy: You are old, Alfred. Old. You are worn out from the company. You need to retire, sell your shares. We can move away. Raise Kitty. Forget the past. Look towards a relaxing future.

Alfred: This company is my life, I won’t give it up until I die.

Judy: What is your family? A side job?

Alfred: It seems to be a lot of work let me tell you.

Judy: Alfred, I told you my plans, I am going to go through with them.

Alfred: You’re crazy, my dear.

Judy: You sicken me.

Alfred: I’m going to go in the bedroom and eat this sandwich. Please do not come in tonight. I am going to be running on the treadmill later and I do not want to be disturbed.

Judy: So it’s the spare bedroom again?

Alfred: Or the couch, whatever you prefer.

Judy: Alfred. . .what’s going on with you?

Alfred: I’m tired. Shhhhh. Unplug all of these things, we don’t need the electricity bill to be so high.

Judy: You haven’t kissed me in months.

Alfred: My wife used to do things. She used to go out. Charity work. The Humane Society. I have no idea what you do. Then I get these American Express bills for three to four thousand dollars a month. My wife never used to spend that much. Where does it all go?

Judy: I like clothes, Alfred.

Alfred: Most of the time you are lounging around, running to your work out tapes, and wearing that thing. If you buy all of these clothes, then where on earth are they? Why do you never wear them?

Judy: Alfred, I buy things to go out in. But we never do that.

Alfred: Then stop buying things. Please. I told you things are tight.

Judy: Alfred, stop comparing me to her.

Alfred: If you haven’t lived up to the woman I thought you were, then that is what will happen, I will compare you to her. It’s a curse I guess. Deal with it. If you were the woman I thought, this wouldn’t be happening. (pause) Why are we even still married?

Judy: Because I said this is forever. I meant it.

Alfred: Suit yourself. Forever is a long time, Judy. If you are here or not, I think I need to rehire the nurse for my daughter. . .and the cook.

Judy: You said things were tight.

Alfred: We have to eat. My daughter has to eat. We have to survive. Now good-night. (Alfred exits.)

Judy: Yes, we do.

Alfred: (from off) Unplug all those things, stop thinking about this, and go to bed.

Judy looks at the wall, does nothing, and exits. In emptiness and darkness wearing her pajamas, Kitty comes through the kitchen and into the living room. She stares at the wall for awhile, gets a chair, and removes the canvas.

Kitty: I will paint you a picture, mommy.

Kitty disappears down the darkened hallway from whence she came.