Michael and Toby’s apartment. Toby has moved the furniture out of the way and sits in the center of the room cross-legged. Below him a straw, a half finished line of cocaine, a razor-blade, and a mirror on which all of this rests. His cellular phone lays open at his legs. His eyes are closed and incense burns in the corner. Michael enters.
Michael: You called at just-
Toby: (Silence.)
Michael: Oh.
Toby does not move. Michael goes to the sink, turns on the tap, and gets a glass of water which he drinks down. He looks over at Toby who is in a trance. Michael comes close, observing, then goes down on all fours and creeps forward. He takes the straw –his eyes never leaving Toby’s closed ones- until he has to bend down and snort. He snorts from the line. Toby’s eyes open wide.
Toby: Just what do you think-
Michael: I wanted a-
Toby: Do you have 80 bucks for a gram?
Michael: No.
Toby: Then keep your grubby paws off. (He pushes Michael backwards away from the cocaine.)
Michael: I got some. Let me have a little-
Toby: We don’t have any money for this. You know that. Christ- Soon we will though and then we won’t have to worry about this and I’ll give you all the powder you’d like . . .for free. All the sugar-
Michael: All the sugar?
Toby: Almost all the sugar . . .
Michael: Oh. Why not?
Toby: I don’t like doing that shit all the time. Just sometimes. . . Besides I’m not a whore like you.
Michael: I’m not a whore.
Toby: You’re a whore. Face it.
Michael: Thanks a lot, man.
Toby: So Buddy told me that he’s getting another shipment in next week. I’ll buy you a treat for your birthday.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah.
Toby: What is it?
Michael: Nothing. Just thinking.
Toby: What about?
Michael: How I got here.
Toby: You know how you got here.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah.
Toby: (pause) I’ll let you do the rest of the line. . .on one condition.
Michael: What?
Toby: You give me one of those wacky hand-jobs.
Michael: But I thought you didn’t-
Toby: Fuck it. I don’t care.
Michael: Don’t call me a whore then.
Toby: I won’t. I won’t. Go ahead, brother, go for it. Before I change my mind.
Michael bends down with the straw and gets the rest of the line. Toby pushes Michael’s face down into the mirror and it breaks. Toby laughs. Michael jerks his head back.
Michael: Oww! You fucking cut me you asshole. (He has a gash across his face.)
Toby: It’s just a little blood.
Michael: Look. Look at all this blood. (Michael goes to the kitchen sink.) You are sadistic, you know that?
Toby: It’s crossed my mind. Geez, look how red faced you are! You are like an Indian. I’ll call you Taunto or Geronimo!
Michael: Fuck you. How am I going to explain this to Janet’s family? Her father already doesn’t like me. The leg was bad enough.
Toby: You have a way with fathers, don’t you?
Michael rushes him and grabs his shirt.
Michael: Don’t say another word about this, if you don’t want a cut like mine across your throat.
Toby: Oh shut up. Suck my cock.
Michael: You’re sick. How did I ever find you?
Toby: Over on 35th and Broadway, in that alley remember? You got kicked out-
Michael: I don’t need a fucking play by play.
Toby: Don’t let me down, Michael. Don’t be a pussy. I want you to cut me.
Michael: What?
Toby: (picking up a bit of the broken glass) Cut me.
Michael: Fuck no. (He comes back into the living room.)
Toby: No, do it. I wanna feel my blood run.
Michael: Shut up.
Toby: Do it for me. Prove to me that we’re friends. Wait. Wait. More. We’ll be blood brothers. I want you to cut yourself and then cut me and we’ll mix our blood.
Michael: Fuck. Fuck you.
Toby: Then we’ll be connected. Come on.
Michael: I don’t want to do it.
Toby: You couldn’t kill a rabbit hunting, could you?
Michael: Yes I could.
Toby: Then how hard is it to cut me here and do it on yourself?
Michael: I-
Toby: This is a test. A test to see your strength. We’re gonna be doing some crazy shit in a few months. I need to build up your stamina. You know what I am saying, bro?
Michael: Why don’t you cut yourself?
Toby: Oh, Mikey, I could. No problem. But I want you to cut me. I want to see you do this. This is the test for the future. Come on. Do it.
Michael stares at the mirror in Toby’s extended palm.
Toby: I could do it. I’ve done so much worse before.
Michael: Have you ever killed anybody?
Toby: Why do you ask?
Michael: I don’t know if you have.
Toby: Let’s just say no, no I haven’t.
Michael: But you have?
Toby: What do you think?
Michael: I think you have.
Toby: Then you have your answer. Look, bro, sometimes you just have to do things. You can’t think about it too much or you’ll never get anywhere and afterwards once you’ve gotten what you want you can bury the deeds like they never happened –like a dead fido in the backyard. You move on with a new pet. Get me? There are always new pets. . .always.
Michael: I hope I’m not one of those pets.
Toby: Mikey, bro, you know that we helped each other. You helped me get out of the gutter and I helped you. We’re the only family we have.
Michael: I have a family.
Toby: They hate you.
Michael: My sister doesn’t.
Toby: She’s a retard, get over it.
Michael: Don’t fucking call her that.
Toby: Do it. She’s retarded. Do it. Fucking stupid animal. Do it or are you as dumb as her? Do it, God damn you!
Michael: (dropping the cloth from his face, grabbing the mirror blade and cutting Toby on the arm) I told you to shut-the-fuck-up!
Toby: (painful, joy) Ahhhhh, good boy. I should wrap this up. But it looks so cool-
Michael: (fumbling) Fuck not yet. (He cuts his own arm. He presses their arms together and holds them together with his other hand. Michael leans into Toby on the floor, face to face.) The things I do for you.
Toby: There we’re brothers. You learn well, Mikey, bro. I knew you had it in you. Fighting Indian Blood. Red faced.
Michael: I’m amazed at what’ll do since I met you. I don’t even know who I am, Christ.
Toby: Like I said, once you get in with me. You can’t just leave.
Michael: Yeah.
Toby: How about a little sucky, sucky, Mikey, Mikey?
Michael: You want me to do this with the cut and cloth and?
Toby: I don’t care. Just stop talking. We’re blood brothers.
Michael looks down and Toby leans back. He begins to undo Toby’s pants and then he yanks them down to the knees, Toby is in his underwear. His cellular phone rings.
Toby: Awwww. Christ. What now?
Michael: Who is it?
Toby: (checking) I don’t recognize the number. Do you?
Michael: No.
Toby: It might be some new clients. I should answer. (answering) Hello? . . .yeah. . .
Michael: (while Toby is on the phone) He remembered my birthday. You remembered my birthday. I give you more credit than I thought I could give you Mr. Tobias. (he goes to the window) Toby! Toby!
Toby: (to Michael) Can’t you see that I’m busy, right now?
Michael: The downtown skyline is floating up to the clouds. I think aliens have landed.
Toby: Shut the fuck up. (to phone) Sorry. What we’re you saying?
Michael: It’s just the lights. They are all going into the sky. Everything is dark below.
Toby: Yeah, I understand. I will. No problem. I’ll be there. . . okay. . . thanks for calling. (He hangs up.)
Michael: Who was it?
Toby: This bitch named Wanda. She wants to see me. She’s got something for me to do.
Michael: A deal or?
Toby: I don’t know, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t scream your hallucinations at me, you fag.
Michael: Don’t call me that.
Toby: Then get over here and finish me off.
Michael: I want to.
Toby: Oh too slow. I gotta go meet that bitch, Wanda, anyhow. (He pulls up his pants.)
Michael: Now? What do you think she wants? Who is she?
Toby: I don’t know. But it’s going to be interesting.
Michael: Better take the bus. Be careful.
Toby: I’m always careful. (He lifts up his shirt to show a switchblade strapped to his stomach.) And No, I don’t want to be on the bus for three hours. Besides the number 14 bus doesn’t run past two am. So I wouldn’t be able to get back.
Michael: Thanks for saving me from dinner tonight. It was getting tight.
Toby: What are blood brothers for? (He kisses Michael on the cheek.) Oh and you seem to have a little blood on your face.
Michael: Shut the hell up.
Toby: Laters, bro.
Michael: Toby. . .can you try to treat me with some respect?
Toby: Shut the fuck up, you pussy. Laters.
Michael: I wasn’t joking.
Toby: I know, but I pretended that you were. Calm down. We’re in for the long haul, aren’t we?
Michael: Yeah.
Toby: I’ll be back later. Bye. (He exits. Michael removes the cloth.)
Michael: Ouch. This looks bad.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
9: A Desperate Favor
Darkess in an alley downtown next to the Co-operative grocery. The wind blows furiously. Judy wears sunglasses and a tight trench coat and waits in the alley. She stares at the door to the Co-op. People enter and exit. Paul, her brother, exits in an apron, but doesn’t notice her. He walks down the sidewalk and Judy starts to follow him.
Judy: Paul- Paul- Wait.
He turns.
Judy: May I speak with you?
Paul: Who are you- wait- Judy?
Judy: Yes, it’s me.
Paul: I want nothing more to do with you.
Judy: No, no, no. Wait. Wait. Please hear me out. I’m ready-
Paul: Ready for what? Don't you know what time it is? Shouldn't you be at home with your Alfie?
Judy: Come with me for a second.
Paul: Where? I have to go back to work. I’m just going down the street for the newspaper.
Judy: Newspaper?
Paul: Yeah, they put it in the stands just before midnight before the next day.
Judy: Come on. It’ll only be a few minutes. Just come into this alley with me.
Paul: I don’t have time for your tricks.
Judy: This isn’t a trick. This- This is real.
Paul: Prove it to me.
Judy takes his arm and she leads him into the alley. He stands waiting.
Paul: How can you see anything in those glasses?
Judy: I can't really. Here. (removes glasses) Okay. Okay. Hear me out. I know you are an idealist. A feminist. You have a way of making people feel comfortable. But remember when you were different? Remember when you voted republican?
Paul: Don’t remind me. What is this all about?
Judy: You know. The reason you stopped talking to me.
Paul: I stopped talking to you, because you married him. You did everything to please him. It wasn’t about anybody anymore, but Alfred.
Judy: I know. I know. I was blinded by him, the money-
Paul: Exactly. How has any of this changed?
Judy: His son. His son has been threatening my life. He comes to the house and harasses me.
Paul: And?
Judy: I told Alfred. And all he does is compare me to his first wife.
Paul: The one you replaced, because-
Judy: Paul . . .I don’t want a public scandal. I just want to be good again. I mean that. I want to do things with my life, but I feel trapped in this marriage.
Paul: Get a divorce.
Judy: He won’t allow it. He won’t.
Paul: Judy, what is this all about?
Judy: Remember when you used to dream of being a senator? Remember those days. . .
Paul: I left politics, Judy. I hate politics.
Judy: I know. I know. But I know about those days. I know about the drugs. I know about the lies. I know about the people on the outskirts of the fringe. . .
Paul: I have nothing to say about them anymore. I have to get to work.
Judy: Paul, I know what you tried to do to Senator Tompkins.
Paul: (Silence.)
Judy: I need that guy.
Paul: You need psychiatric help.
Judy: Paul.
Paul: I don’t want to talk about this.
Judy: Then let’s play the game. That game we played when we were growing up when we didn’t want our parents to know what we were saying. Okay? Hear me out, please.
Paul: What?
Judy: I’ll tell you that I must live with Alfred. I love him so much. He glorifies me everyday. He makes me feel so special. So loved. So empowered. I don’t want to talk to that man that was your dealer. He was such a clean man. I know he would not be able to help me. I don’t want his help.
Paul: Judy.
Judy: Paul, since you are in my life so much now because you have always loved me so much. This is the first of many favors.
Paul: I believe it.
Judy: Remember the game, Paul. Remember the good times we had? You see I want to monopolize your time. I want to be in your life again. I don’t want this one favor, because I am so happy in my marriage. (She breaks down and falls to her knees.)
Paul: (rushing to help her) Judy!
Judy: Alfred, never gave soft money to Senator Tompkins. I don’t want this favor.
Paul: I’ll give you his number. But my hands are clean of this. I never saw you today and I don’t want to see you again. My life is different now. I lead a simple life. I’m not playing anymore games. This is it. (He takes out a piece of paper scrawls a number and then walks away.) Good-bye, Judy. I really don’t want to see you again.
Judy: Paul, I still love you.
Paul: I know. I would love you too if you didn’t bring trouble wherever you went.
Judy: Paul- Paul- Wait.
He turns.
Judy: May I speak with you?
Paul: Who are you- wait- Judy?
Judy: Yes, it’s me.
Paul: I want nothing more to do with you.
Judy: No, no, no. Wait. Wait. Please hear me out. I’m ready-
Paul: Ready for what? Don't you know what time it is? Shouldn't you be at home with your Alfie?
Judy: Come with me for a second.
Paul: Where? I have to go back to work. I’m just going down the street for the newspaper.
Judy: Newspaper?
Paul: Yeah, they put it in the stands just before midnight before the next day.
Judy: Come on. It’ll only be a few minutes. Just come into this alley with me.
Paul: I don’t have time for your tricks.
Judy: This isn’t a trick. This- This is real.
Paul: Prove it to me.
Judy takes his arm and she leads him into the alley. He stands waiting.
Paul: How can you see anything in those glasses?
Judy: I can't really. Here. (removes glasses) Okay. Okay. Hear me out. I know you are an idealist. A feminist. You have a way of making people feel comfortable. But remember when you were different? Remember when you voted republican?
Paul: Don’t remind me. What is this all about?
Judy: You know. The reason you stopped talking to me.
Paul: I stopped talking to you, because you married him. You did everything to please him. It wasn’t about anybody anymore, but Alfred.
Judy: I know. I know. I was blinded by him, the money-
Paul: Exactly. How has any of this changed?
Judy: His son. His son has been threatening my life. He comes to the house and harasses me.
Paul: And?
Judy: I told Alfred. And all he does is compare me to his first wife.
Paul: The one you replaced, because-
Judy: Paul . . .I don’t want a public scandal. I just want to be good again. I mean that. I want to do things with my life, but I feel trapped in this marriage.
Paul: Get a divorce.
Judy: He won’t allow it. He won’t.
Paul: Judy, what is this all about?
Judy: Remember when you used to dream of being a senator? Remember those days. . .
Paul: I left politics, Judy. I hate politics.
Judy: I know. I know. But I know about those days. I know about the drugs. I know about the lies. I know about the people on the outskirts of the fringe. . .
Paul: I have nothing to say about them anymore. I have to get to work.
Judy: Paul, I know what you tried to do to Senator Tompkins.
Paul: (Silence.)
Judy: I need that guy.
Paul: You need psychiatric help.
Judy: Paul.
Paul: I don’t want to talk about this.
Judy: Then let’s play the game. That game we played when we were growing up when we didn’t want our parents to know what we were saying. Okay? Hear me out, please.
Paul: What?
Judy: I’ll tell you that I must live with Alfred. I love him so much. He glorifies me everyday. He makes me feel so special. So loved. So empowered. I don’t want to talk to that man that was your dealer. He was such a clean man. I know he would not be able to help me. I don’t want his help.
Paul: Judy.
Judy: Paul, since you are in my life so much now because you have always loved me so much. This is the first of many favors.
Paul: I believe it.
Judy: Remember the game, Paul. Remember the good times we had? You see I want to monopolize your time. I want to be in your life again. I don’t want this one favor, because I am so happy in my marriage. (She breaks down and falls to her knees.)
Paul: (rushing to help her) Judy!
Judy: Alfred, never gave soft money to Senator Tompkins. I don’t want this favor.
Paul: I’ll give you his number. But my hands are clean of this. I never saw you today and I don’t want to see you again. My life is different now. I lead a simple life. I’m not playing anymore games. This is it. (He takes out a piece of paper scrawls a number and then walks away.) Good-bye, Judy. I really don’t want to see you again.
Judy: Paul, I still love you.
Paul: I know. I would love you too if you didn’t bring trouble wherever you went.
8: A Family Dinner
The Windhover Dining Room. Camden sits at the head of the table. Denise, his wife appears in the doorway. Clara, the cook, brings out the covered tins of food and sets them down. Light jazz plays. A crystal chandelier hangs above the table.
Camden: Candles? Where are the Candles?
Clara: I will get them right away, Mr. Windhover. (She exits to the kitchen.)
Denise: Camden. . .listen to the jazz.
Camden: Denise, take a seat now. You are making me nervous.
Denise: (sits, long Silence)
Camden: All of this food is getting cold. It’s ten after.
Clara re-enters.
Clara: These were all I could find.
Camden: That’s fine. Set them down. Set them down. You shouldn’t even be in here right now. It’s our dinner time.
Clara: You asked for candles.
Camden: I shouldn’t have to ask for things. You should know.
Clara: But I’m not psychic.
Camden: Wouldn’t you say, Denise, that the makings of a good cook in ones household are the way that they are able to pick up on their master’s tastes and sensibilities?
Clara: Did you say master to me?
Camden: Nevermind. Now is not the time to discuss this. Please light these and go into the other room. Don’t come back until it’s time for dessert.
Clara: Fine. (She leaves the lighter on the table and exits.)
Camden: I don’t think we should have hired her. She doesn’t know anything about cooking.
Denise: (Silence)
The doorbell rings.
Camden: That must be them. Clara! Could you get the door?
Silence.
Camden: Clara!? . . .Clara. . .
Clara: I’m gone. Remember? Get the door yourself!
Camden: Denise, get the door.
Denise exits and a few moments later Janet enters with her and behind them Michael, holding a bottle of wine. Camden stands.
Denise: Janet-
Camden: Janet, what on earth happened to your eye?
Janet: A mean man at the fruit stand threw an apple at me.
Camden: A mean man? Hmmm. What didn't you help him?
Janet: He snuck into the market before it was open. We called security.
Denise: Who? Carol did?
Janet: Yeah.
Denise: Did you catch the man? I don't know if I want you working there.
Camden: Nonsense, Paula wouldn't allow her to work there if she couldn't do it. Besides I don't think that's where she got the bruise.
Janet: I know where I got this eye, Dad.
Camden: Nevermind.
Denise: Where do you think she got this eye then?
Camden:: Ahhh, Michael. You must be Michael, old chap.
Michael: Nice to meet you, sir. Janet has told me a lot about you.
Camden: Hopefully only good things.
Michael and Janet exchange a glance.
Camden: What was that look for?
Janet: What look?
Camden: You just gave Michael a look.
Janet: No, I didn’t.
Camden: You looked at him. What did you mean?
Janet: What do you mean?
Michael: I assure-
Camden: Quiet. This is my house, boy.
Silence.
Camden: Everybody have a seat. Oh no. Janet, you there. Michael, over here by me. Denise, sit down.
Silence.
Michael: (holding up the bottle) Oh, I brought this for you. Some Italian wine.
Camden: (taking it, examining) Amarone? 1986. Good year. Thank you, Michael. See that, Denise? Amarone. What a nice gesture.
Camden stares at Denise.
Michael: So what do you do?
Camden: I’m a surgeon. Janet, didn’t tell you?
Michael: No. Do you have a specialty in surgery?
Camden: Well, the way Americans have gotten so fat these days, I mostly perform bypasses. Mostly triple bypasses, but a few quadruple bypasses. I don’t know what to tell you, but this country has gotten so fat.
Michael: That’s true.
Camden: I thought your leg was broken. Janet said that you had a broken leg?
Michael: I had it set yesterday.
Camden: Well it must not have been broken, because you should know of all people that a set leg isn’t able to be walked on for several weeks. What happened?
Michael: Well I thought it was broken, but turns out that my leg had only popped out of the socket. They just needed to pop it back in.
Camden: Oh. So how’d it happen?
Michael: Tennis. A tennis match with my roommate.
Silence.
Camden: Well since you are so late, I’m sure the food is cold. So let’s begin.
Michael: Mrs. Windhover, what do you do?
Camden: She doesn’t work.
Michael: Oh.
Camden: Did you grow up in the area, Michael?
Michael: Yes. Yes. I did.
Camden: What do your parents do?
Denise: Camden. . .that’s enough.
Camden: I’d like to know.
Denise: The food is cold enough, you already said so.
Janet: Can I tell Michael what we’re doing?
Camden: Fine.
Janet: When I was little, I would talk at all the meals. So when it’s dinner time at our house, we eat without talking.
Michael: But you aren’t little anymore.
Camden: No, but she still is prone to talk, aren’t you?
Janet: Sometimes.
Michael: What are we having? Smells delicious.
Camden: Cook prepared shrimp scampi with prime rib.
Michael: Oh no. I have a shell fish allergy.
Camden: Then don’t eat the shellfish ding-a-ling.
Silence. The food is passed around the table.
Michael: But my allergy is severe. If the scampi has touched the ribs.
Camden: Then don’t eat. Sit there and wait. Cook. Cook.
Clara: (entering) What now?
Camden: Can you whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my daughter’s boyfriend? He is allergic to shellfish.
Clara: Fine. (She exits)
Michael: Well, while I wait for my sandwich, may I talk?
Camden: Go ahead, but I’m not sure you’ll get a response.
Michael: Well, I wanted to speak with you about my proposal to your daughter.
Camden: Can’t that wait, until after dinner? Do you have no manners at all? You don’t ask the blessing in front of the women. You wait until we are having a cigar in my den.
Michael: Sorry, sir, if I don’t know your rules, but first of all, I don’t smoke cigars.
Camden: They’re smuggled from Cuba. You will have one.
Michael: Alright. Okay. I will have one, but this isn’t about asking your blessing. It’s about telling you that the wedding will be in two months.
Denise spills her water. Camden spits up his food into a napkin.
Camden: Excuse me. Why on earth-
Michael: We are in-
Camden: I’m not asking you. Janet-
Janet: We are in love. I want to move in with him.
Camden: That is no reason.
Janet: How long did you and mom know each other before getting married?
Camden: Nevermind. This is a different generation and a different circumstance. You are my daughter.
Michael: You don’t own her.
Camden: Do not tell me what I own.
Michael: Fine.
Denise: Camden. Stop it. Now. We’ll talk later.
Everyone sits in silence and eats. Clara appears in the doorway.
Camden: You may bring the sandwich to the young man.
Clara: I know already. (She brings the sandwich to Michael, sees him, and they look at each other.)
Camden: What is it?
Clara: (staring) Nothing I just got the strangest sense of Déjà vu.
Camden: Yeah, yeah. That’s nice. Please go prepare dessert.
Clara: It’s already ready.
Camden: Well make sure it’s fresh.
Clara: Okay. (She exits with her eye on Michael.)
Camden: So I have an interesting story. It appears the neighborhood has a thief in its midst.
Michael: What do you mean?
Camden: All of the carrots I grew in my garden are missing. Just gone. Uprooted and walked out of the patch. Now if it would have been a rabbit or a mole problem, I would be able to tell by the operation. . .teeth marks on remnants of carrot gore or something of that nature. .. but this job was clean. Very clean. Done by a human no doubt. A human thief.
Michael: Strange.
Camden: Very strange.
Janet: So what are you going to do about it?
Camden: I’m going to find out who did it.
Janet: How?
Camden: There are ways. Traps to set etc. etc. This steak is really good, don’t you think?
Silence.
Michael: My sandwich is very good. Tell Clara I said so.
Camden: How do you know her name?
Michael: You said it. I think you said it.
Camden: I didn’t think I had. I don’t call the help by their first names.
Denise: Maybe I said it. Who knows. Get over it.
Long Silence. Everyone eats.
Camden: So. . .Yale.
Michael: Yale.
Camden: You got accepted?
Michael: Yes.
Camden: I went there you know.
Michael: I didn’t know. You never said anything about that.
Janet: I don’t like to talk about it. It’s all he cares about.
Camden: Janet, Yale is a big deal. I could put in a word for your boyfriend.
Janet: What types of words would you say?
Camden: Oh nice things. Good things. Special things.
Michael: You would do that for me?
Camden: Yes. I could.
Michael: Wow. That’d be so nice.
Camden: What is your student ID number?
Michael: What?
Camden: I will call tomorrow and put in a good word for you. Make sure you get the special treatment. I am still a big donor for the school. I have some clout. So it’ll be no trouble. What is your student ID number?
Michael: What’s that?
Camden: The number the school gives you as your identification number. That’s how they look up the students in their system.
Michael: Oh that. I have it on my admittance letter, but I haven’t memorized it yet.
Camden: Well what’s your last name?
A cellular phone rings.
Camden: Janet, how many times-
Michael: It’s mine. Sorry. Oh shit. I mean. . .oh no. crap. Sorry for cussing.
Janet: What is it?
Michael: I’m on call tonight. I’m going to have to jet. I have to go fight a fire.
Camden: A fire, now?
Michael: Yeah. I don’t really get to pick and choose when they happen. It’s sort of an emergency.
Camden: Do you even get paid for such a venture?
Michael: We get a stipend, but I really have to go. I’m sorry.
Camden: Not as sorry as you are going to be.
Denise: Camden!
Camden: I just mean sorry in the sense he has to go fight a fire . . .now. . .of all times.
Michael: Maybe we can re-schedule?
Camden: Maybe indeed.
Janet: Dad!
Denise: You are being unfair.
Michael: Thank you for the wonderful dinner. I really am quite embarrassed that this is happening. Can we do a raincheck?
Camden: We’ll see.
Michael: (kissing Janet on the forehead) I’m really very sorry, dear.
Janet: You have to do what you have to do.
Michael: I will call you later.
Janet: You better.
Michael: It was nice to meet you. . .all of you. Good night. (He exits.)
Camden: I don’t know why I offer to be nice to youngsters who just want to take advantage of me.
Denise: He did not, Camden. He is doing good. So stop it.
Camden: Amarone, Denise? That bottle is probably 75 dollars. That’s it? That’s all to pay his respects?
Denise: Stop being such a snob.
Camden: I even offered to give him a good recommendation.
Denise: You still will.
Camden: He didn’t tell me his last name, how am I supposed to? (pause, to Janet) Please recommend Michael BlahBlahBlah for- Hell, I don’t even know what he’s studying.
Janet: I don’t think his last name is BlahBlahBlah.
Camden: I know that.
Janet: Then why’d you-
Camden: What is his last name?
Janet: (thinking) I don’t know.
Camden: You don’t know?! You are going to marry this guy in two months and you don’t know his last name? What is wrong with this world? Somebody tell me. I don’t know if I’m going to give my blessing to something like this.
Denise: They will get married with or without you, Camden. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
Camden: Well we’ll see if I don’t give a bad recommendation.
Janet: Why would you do that?
Camden: Because I can.
Janet: I could kill you, but it doesn’t mean I will. I can do a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean I should. Sometimes people are wrong.
Camden: That’s right, sometimes they are. Cook. Cook.
Clara enters.
Camden: Bring my dessert to my room. Find out his last name for me, please.
Clara: I don’t know it, sir.
Camden: Not you. My daughter. I.E. the one who is getting married to him!
Janet: Okay.
Camden: Turn off that infernal Jazz. It's giving me a headache.
Camden: Candles? Where are the Candles?
Clara: I will get them right away, Mr. Windhover. (She exits to the kitchen.)
Denise: Camden. . .listen to the jazz.
Camden: Denise, take a seat now. You are making me nervous.
Denise: (sits, long Silence)
Camden: All of this food is getting cold. It’s ten after.
Clara re-enters.
Clara: These were all I could find.
Camden: That’s fine. Set them down. Set them down. You shouldn’t even be in here right now. It’s our dinner time.
Clara: You asked for candles.
Camden: I shouldn’t have to ask for things. You should know.
Clara: But I’m not psychic.
Camden: Wouldn’t you say, Denise, that the makings of a good cook in ones household are the way that they are able to pick up on their master’s tastes and sensibilities?
Clara: Did you say master to me?
Camden: Nevermind. Now is not the time to discuss this. Please light these and go into the other room. Don’t come back until it’s time for dessert.
Clara: Fine. (She leaves the lighter on the table and exits.)
Camden: I don’t think we should have hired her. She doesn’t know anything about cooking.
Denise: (Silence)
The doorbell rings.
Camden: That must be them. Clara! Could you get the door?
Silence.
Camden: Clara!? . . .Clara. . .
Clara: I’m gone. Remember? Get the door yourself!
Camden: Denise, get the door.
Denise exits and a few moments later Janet enters with her and behind them Michael, holding a bottle of wine. Camden stands.
Denise: Janet-
Camden: Janet, what on earth happened to your eye?
Janet: A mean man at the fruit stand threw an apple at me.
Camden: A mean man? Hmmm. What didn't you help him?
Janet: He snuck into the market before it was open. We called security.
Denise: Who? Carol did?
Janet: Yeah.
Denise: Did you catch the man? I don't know if I want you working there.
Camden: Nonsense, Paula wouldn't allow her to work there if she couldn't do it. Besides I don't think that's where she got the bruise.
Janet: I know where I got this eye, Dad.
Camden: Nevermind.
Denise: Where do you think she got this eye then?
Camden:: Ahhh, Michael. You must be Michael, old chap.
Michael: Nice to meet you, sir. Janet has told me a lot about you.
Camden: Hopefully only good things.
Michael and Janet exchange a glance.
Camden: What was that look for?
Janet: What look?
Camden: You just gave Michael a look.
Janet: No, I didn’t.
Camden: You looked at him. What did you mean?
Janet: What do you mean?
Michael: I assure-
Camden: Quiet. This is my house, boy.
Silence.
Camden: Everybody have a seat. Oh no. Janet, you there. Michael, over here by me. Denise, sit down.
Silence.
Michael: (holding up the bottle) Oh, I brought this for you. Some Italian wine.
Camden: (taking it, examining) Amarone? 1986. Good year. Thank you, Michael. See that, Denise? Amarone. What a nice gesture.
Camden stares at Denise.
Michael: So what do you do?
Camden: I’m a surgeon. Janet, didn’t tell you?
Michael: No. Do you have a specialty in surgery?
Camden: Well, the way Americans have gotten so fat these days, I mostly perform bypasses. Mostly triple bypasses, but a few quadruple bypasses. I don’t know what to tell you, but this country has gotten so fat.
Michael: That’s true.
Camden: I thought your leg was broken. Janet said that you had a broken leg?
Michael: I had it set yesterday.
Camden: Well it must not have been broken, because you should know of all people that a set leg isn’t able to be walked on for several weeks. What happened?
Michael: Well I thought it was broken, but turns out that my leg had only popped out of the socket. They just needed to pop it back in.
Camden: Oh. So how’d it happen?
Michael: Tennis. A tennis match with my roommate.
Silence.
Camden: Well since you are so late, I’m sure the food is cold. So let’s begin.
Michael: Mrs. Windhover, what do you do?
Camden: She doesn’t work.
Michael: Oh.
Camden: Did you grow up in the area, Michael?
Michael: Yes. Yes. I did.
Camden: What do your parents do?
Denise: Camden. . .that’s enough.
Camden: I’d like to know.
Denise: The food is cold enough, you already said so.
Janet: Can I tell Michael what we’re doing?
Camden: Fine.
Janet: When I was little, I would talk at all the meals. So when it’s dinner time at our house, we eat without talking.
Michael: But you aren’t little anymore.
Camden: No, but she still is prone to talk, aren’t you?
Janet: Sometimes.
Michael: What are we having? Smells delicious.
Camden: Cook prepared shrimp scampi with prime rib.
Michael: Oh no. I have a shell fish allergy.
Camden: Then don’t eat the shellfish ding-a-ling.
Silence. The food is passed around the table.
Michael: But my allergy is severe. If the scampi has touched the ribs.
Camden: Then don’t eat. Sit there and wait. Cook. Cook.
Clara: (entering) What now?
Camden: Can you whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my daughter’s boyfriend? He is allergic to shellfish.
Clara: Fine. (She exits)
Michael: Well, while I wait for my sandwich, may I talk?
Camden: Go ahead, but I’m not sure you’ll get a response.
Michael: Well, I wanted to speak with you about my proposal to your daughter.
Camden: Can’t that wait, until after dinner? Do you have no manners at all? You don’t ask the blessing in front of the women. You wait until we are having a cigar in my den.
Michael: Sorry, sir, if I don’t know your rules, but first of all, I don’t smoke cigars.
Camden: They’re smuggled from Cuba. You will have one.
Michael: Alright. Okay. I will have one, but this isn’t about asking your blessing. It’s about telling you that the wedding will be in two months.
Denise spills her water. Camden spits up his food into a napkin.
Camden: Excuse me. Why on earth-
Michael: We are in-
Camden: I’m not asking you. Janet-
Janet: We are in love. I want to move in with him.
Camden: That is no reason.
Janet: How long did you and mom know each other before getting married?
Camden: Nevermind. This is a different generation and a different circumstance. You are my daughter.
Michael: You don’t own her.
Camden: Do not tell me what I own.
Michael: Fine.
Denise: Camden. Stop it. Now. We’ll talk later.
Everyone sits in silence and eats. Clara appears in the doorway.
Camden: You may bring the sandwich to the young man.
Clara: I know already. (She brings the sandwich to Michael, sees him, and they look at each other.)
Camden: What is it?
Clara: (staring) Nothing I just got the strangest sense of Déjà vu.
Camden: Yeah, yeah. That’s nice. Please go prepare dessert.
Clara: It’s already ready.
Camden: Well make sure it’s fresh.
Clara: Okay. (She exits with her eye on Michael.)
Camden: So I have an interesting story. It appears the neighborhood has a thief in its midst.
Michael: What do you mean?
Camden: All of the carrots I grew in my garden are missing. Just gone. Uprooted and walked out of the patch. Now if it would have been a rabbit or a mole problem, I would be able to tell by the operation. . .teeth marks on remnants of carrot gore or something of that nature. .. but this job was clean. Very clean. Done by a human no doubt. A human thief.
Michael: Strange.
Camden: Very strange.
Janet: So what are you going to do about it?
Camden: I’m going to find out who did it.
Janet: How?
Camden: There are ways. Traps to set etc. etc. This steak is really good, don’t you think?
Silence.
Michael: My sandwich is very good. Tell Clara I said so.
Camden: How do you know her name?
Michael: You said it. I think you said it.
Camden: I didn’t think I had. I don’t call the help by their first names.
Denise: Maybe I said it. Who knows. Get over it.
Long Silence. Everyone eats.
Camden: So. . .Yale.
Michael: Yale.
Camden: You got accepted?
Michael: Yes.
Camden: I went there you know.
Michael: I didn’t know. You never said anything about that.
Janet: I don’t like to talk about it. It’s all he cares about.
Camden: Janet, Yale is a big deal. I could put in a word for your boyfriend.
Janet: What types of words would you say?
Camden: Oh nice things. Good things. Special things.
Michael: You would do that for me?
Camden: Yes. I could.
Michael: Wow. That’d be so nice.
Camden: What is your student ID number?
Michael: What?
Camden: I will call tomorrow and put in a good word for you. Make sure you get the special treatment. I am still a big donor for the school. I have some clout. So it’ll be no trouble. What is your student ID number?
Michael: What’s that?
Camden: The number the school gives you as your identification number. That’s how they look up the students in their system.
Michael: Oh that. I have it on my admittance letter, but I haven’t memorized it yet.
Camden: Well what’s your last name?
A cellular phone rings.
Camden: Janet, how many times-
Michael: It’s mine. Sorry. Oh shit. I mean. . .oh no. crap. Sorry for cussing.
Janet: What is it?
Michael: I’m on call tonight. I’m going to have to jet. I have to go fight a fire.
Camden: A fire, now?
Michael: Yeah. I don’t really get to pick and choose when they happen. It’s sort of an emergency.
Camden: Do you even get paid for such a venture?
Michael: We get a stipend, but I really have to go. I’m sorry.
Camden: Not as sorry as you are going to be.
Denise: Camden!
Camden: I just mean sorry in the sense he has to go fight a fire . . .now. . .of all times.
Michael: Maybe we can re-schedule?
Camden: Maybe indeed.
Janet: Dad!
Denise: You are being unfair.
Michael: Thank you for the wonderful dinner. I really am quite embarrassed that this is happening. Can we do a raincheck?
Camden: We’ll see.
Michael: (kissing Janet on the forehead) I’m really very sorry, dear.
Janet: You have to do what you have to do.
Michael: I will call you later.
Janet: You better.
Michael: It was nice to meet you. . .all of you. Good night. (He exits.)
Camden: I don’t know why I offer to be nice to youngsters who just want to take advantage of me.
Denise: He did not, Camden. He is doing good. So stop it.
Camden: Amarone, Denise? That bottle is probably 75 dollars. That’s it? That’s all to pay his respects?
Denise: Stop being such a snob.
Camden: I even offered to give him a good recommendation.
Denise: You still will.
Camden: He didn’t tell me his last name, how am I supposed to? (pause, to Janet) Please recommend Michael BlahBlahBlah for- Hell, I don’t even know what he’s studying.
Janet: I don’t think his last name is BlahBlahBlah.
Camden: I know that.
Janet: Then why’d you-
Camden: What is his last name?
Janet: (thinking) I don’t know.
Camden: You don’t know?! You are going to marry this guy in two months and you don’t know his last name? What is wrong with this world? Somebody tell me. I don’t know if I’m going to give my blessing to something like this.
Denise: They will get married with or without you, Camden. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
Camden: Well we’ll see if I don’t give a bad recommendation.
Janet: Why would you do that?
Camden: Because I can.
Janet: I could kill you, but it doesn’t mean I will. I can do a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean I should. Sometimes people are wrong.
Camden: That’s right, sometimes they are. Cook. Cook.
Clara enters.
Camden: Bring my dessert to my room. Find out his last name for me, please.
Clara: I don’t know it, sir.
Camden: Not you. My daughter. I.E. the one who is getting married to him!
Janet: Okay.
Camden: Turn off that infernal Jazz. It's giving me a headache.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
7: A Sugarless Comparison
The Andreas Living Room. Judy sits on the couch. She has been crying. The painting is still hung in the living room and no one has cleaned up the spilled carrot juice. Alfred enters hurriedly, but not that fast. He is in his mid-seventies, but still very active.
Judy: What took you so long?
Alfred: I had a long day at the office.
Judy: So? I could be dead now. We could be dead now.
Alfred: I wouldn't be dead.
Judy: No, Michael could have come back and killed both me and Kitty by now.
Alfred: My son would never ever do that, now get that out of your head.
Judy: Alfred, he’s mean.
Alfred: He’s not. He just has a temper. What’s for dinner?
Judy: Nothing. I haven’t had the strength to prepare anything.
Alfred: You fired the cook and my daughter’s nurse. I’m not sure these are wise decisions. Are you even taking care of my daughter?
Judy: What kind of question is that?
Alfred: You can’t even have dinner on the table when I get home. I’m starving.
Judy: Alfred, I’m sorry-
Alfred: Don’t be sorry, just have it ready.
Judy: Sometimes you aren’t even here. How am I to know when to make enough?
Alfred: Always plan that I am to be home.
Judy: You haven’t been home on time in three weeks.
Alfred: Who’s counting?
Judy: Alfred, your son threatened to burn down the house.
Alfred: He isn’t serious.
Judy: How do you know?
Alfred: My son would never do such a thing.
Judy: Alfred, Alfred, listen to me. How do you know? He pushed me up against the wall. He slapped me.
Alfred: Keep the doors locked.
Judy: So why are you at work all this time?
Alfred: I have to work late.
Judy: Same old story, huh?
Alfred: What are you talking about?
Judy: I remember what happened when you “worked late” when I was your secretary.
Alfred: Are you accusing me of something?
Judy: (Silence) No.
Alfred: Good. The market is really bad right now. Nobody is buying any candy right now. Nobody. We’re working around the clock to find a way to fix profits. You want to still live in this house?
Judy: Alfie, Michael threatened to burn down the house.
Alfred: He wouldn’t do it. His sister is here. He loves her. (noticing) Like the painting.
Judy: That? I didn’t buy that. Michael brought it.
Alfred: Did he hang it too?
Judy: You haven’t spoken with him in three years.
Alfred: Four.
Judy: So what? Four!? That’s worse. He’s your son. Make nice with him.
Alfred: Make nice? That would require a lot of work. I don’t have that time. The boy is in a phase-
Judy: He’s 24 years old. He’s not in a phase. He admitted that when the shed burned down seven years ago, it was because he lit it on fire. Hello? Hello? Are you listening? Don’t you see what he is trying to do. Seven years is not a phase. He’s trying to kill me!
Alfred: He’s trying to scare you.
Judy: He’s dangerous. He tried to kill me, I don’t care what you say.
Alfred: He did not. (He exits into the kitchen and goes to the kitchen counter. Judy follows.)
Judy: Alfie, let’s move. Let’s get away from here completely. Alfie- What are you doing?
Alfred: Plugging in my cellular phone. The battery is low. Please don’t touch it. I’m expecting some very important calls. Where am I supposed to plug this in?
Judy: Can you listen to me please?
Alfred: I’m very hungry. Stop over-reacting.
Judy: What are you trying to do?
Alfred: So many things are plugged into this one outlet. I wanted to make a sandwich. How on earth am I supposed to have a toasted sandwich if I can’t even plug in a toaster?
Judy: Unplug your phone.
Alfred: No. I told you. I need it for important calls. Oh Clara left her can opener. We don’t need a motorized can opener. I don’t have arthritis. I can unplug this, can’t I?
Judy: I don’t know, can you? Or should I do it. After all, I’m the wife.
Alfred: Be my guest, Judy. Be my guest.
Judy goes to the wall amidst a tangle of cords and plugs and yanks the plug out for the electric can opener. She takes the can opener and throws it into the trash.
Alfred: Maybe cook wanted that back?
Judy: Forget about it. I don’t know what to do anymore, Alfie. I don’t.
Alfred: You should get a hobby. You just work out all day. Oh stop your crying.
Judy: Do you even love me anymore?
Alfred: Where’s Kitty?
Judy: Sleeping. I put her to bed.
Alfred: At this hour?
Judy: It’s late.
Alfred: Oh stop. Get over yourself.
Judy: Do you even hear me anymore?
Alfred: I hear a lot of whining.
Judy: I had a trying day. Don’t you think I’m upset?
Alfred: Yes. But you have to calm down. You are over reacting.
Judy: Oh. Am I? You want to see over reacting? I’ll give you over reacting. I’m going to buy a gun.
Alfred: Judy-
Judy: Oh don’t worry, it’s not for me. But I can understand why she did that to herself now, I can, Alfred. You are a horrible husband. Horrible. I see why Michael’s bitter. I see why this whole family is screwed up, but I wasn’t here back then and it’s unfair for your bitterness and his bitterness to be taken out on me. I may be upset, but I’ll have you know that I won’t follow her path. No, this is for Michael. I have to look out for number one, Alfred. You have to understand that. I don’t care if you won’t do anything. But I won’t call the police next time. This is the third time in two years, he has come here to harass me.
Alfred: He came to visit his sister. He misses her.
Judy: That may be true, but he can’t beat me up in the process! I’m a person too.
Alfred: So what will you do with the gun?
Judy: I’ll kill him.
Alfred: Oh stop.
Judy: I will. You could save his life, by telling him to stay away from here. But if you don’t, his blood will be on your hands, just like-
Alfred: Go ahead say it.
Judy: Is that any kind of thing to say to me? It takes two to tango.
Alfred: But both of you have to stay dancing and I don’t really feel like dancing with you tonight. I just don’t care. I’m tired. I just want to be left alone.
Judy: You are old, Alfred. Old. You are worn out from the company. You need to retire, sell your shares. We can move away. Raise Kitty. Forget the past. Look towards a relaxing future.
Alfred: This company is my life, I won’t give it up until I die.
Judy: What is your family? A side job?
Alfred: It seems to be a lot of work let me tell you.
Judy: Alfred, I told you my plans, I am going to go through with them.
Alfred: You’re crazy, my dear.
Judy: You sicken me.
Alfred: I’m going to go in the bedroom and eat this sandwich. Please do not come in tonight. I am going to be running on the treadmill later and I do not want to be disturbed.
Judy: So it’s the spare bedroom again?
Alfred: Or the couch, whatever you prefer.
Judy: Alfred. . .what’s going on with you?
Alfred: I’m tired. Shhhhh. Unplug all of these things, we don’t need the electricity bill to be so high.
Judy: You haven’t kissed me in months.
Alfred: My wife used to do things. She used to go out. Charity work. The Humane Society. I have no idea what you do. Then I get these American Express bills for three to four thousand dollars a month. My wife never used to spend that much. Where does it all go?
Judy: I like clothes, Alfred.
Alfred: Most of the time you are lounging around, running to your work out tapes, and wearing that thing. If you buy all of these clothes, then where on earth are they? Why do you never wear them?
Judy: Alfred, I buy things to go out in. But we never do that.
Alfred: Then stop buying things. Please. I told you things are tight.
Judy: Alfred, stop comparing me to her.
Alfred: If you haven’t lived up to the woman I thought you were, then that is what will happen, I will compare you to her. It’s a curse I guess. Deal with it. If you were the woman I thought, this wouldn’t be happening. (pause) Why are we even still married?
Judy: Because I said this is forever. I meant it.
Alfred: Suit yourself. Forever is a long time, Judy. If you are here or not, I think I need to rehire the nurse for my daughter. . .and the cook.
Judy: You said things were tight.
Alfred: We have to eat. My daughter has to eat. We have to survive. Now good-night. (Alfred exits.)
Judy: Yes, we do.
Alfred: (from off) Unplug all those things, stop thinking about this, and go to bed.
Judy looks at the wall, does nothing, and exits. In emptiness and darkness wearing her pajamas, Kitty comes through the kitchen and into the living room. She stares at the wall for awhile, gets a chair, and removes the canvas.
Kitty: I will paint you a picture, mommy.
Kitty disappears down the darkened hallway from whence she came.
Judy: What took you so long?
Alfred: I had a long day at the office.
Judy: So? I could be dead now. We could be dead now.
Alfred: I wouldn't be dead.
Judy: No, Michael could have come back and killed both me and Kitty by now.
Alfred: My son would never ever do that, now get that out of your head.
Judy: Alfred, he’s mean.
Alfred: He’s not. He just has a temper. What’s for dinner?
Judy: Nothing. I haven’t had the strength to prepare anything.
Alfred: You fired the cook and my daughter’s nurse. I’m not sure these are wise decisions. Are you even taking care of my daughter?
Judy: What kind of question is that?
Alfred: You can’t even have dinner on the table when I get home. I’m starving.
Judy: Alfred, I’m sorry-
Alfred: Don’t be sorry, just have it ready.
Judy: Sometimes you aren’t even here. How am I to know when to make enough?
Alfred: Always plan that I am to be home.
Judy: You haven’t been home on time in three weeks.
Alfred: Who’s counting?
Judy: Alfred, your son threatened to burn down the house.
Alfred: He isn’t serious.
Judy: How do you know?
Alfred: My son would never do such a thing.
Judy: Alfred, Alfred, listen to me. How do you know? He pushed me up against the wall. He slapped me.
Alfred: Keep the doors locked.
Judy: So why are you at work all this time?
Alfred: I have to work late.
Judy: Same old story, huh?
Alfred: What are you talking about?
Judy: I remember what happened when you “worked late” when I was your secretary.
Alfred: Are you accusing me of something?
Judy: (Silence) No.
Alfred: Good. The market is really bad right now. Nobody is buying any candy right now. Nobody. We’re working around the clock to find a way to fix profits. You want to still live in this house?
Judy: Alfie, Michael threatened to burn down the house.
Alfred: He wouldn’t do it. His sister is here. He loves her. (noticing) Like the painting.
Judy: That? I didn’t buy that. Michael brought it.
Alfred: Did he hang it too?
Judy: You haven’t spoken with him in three years.
Alfred: Four.
Judy: So what? Four!? That’s worse. He’s your son. Make nice with him.
Alfred: Make nice? That would require a lot of work. I don’t have that time. The boy is in a phase-
Judy: He’s 24 years old. He’s not in a phase. He admitted that when the shed burned down seven years ago, it was because he lit it on fire. Hello? Hello? Are you listening? Don’t you see what he is trying to do. Seven years is not a phase. He’s trying to kill me!
Alfred: He’s trying to scare you.
Judy: He’s dangerous. He tried to kill me, I don’t care what you say.
Alfred: He did not. (He exits into the kitchen and goes to the kitchen counter. Judy follows.)
Judy: Alfie, let’s move. Let’s get away from here completely. Alfie- What are you doing?
Alfred: Plugging in my cellular phone. The battery is low. Please don’t touch it. I’m expecting some very important calls. Where am I supposed to plug this in?
Judy: Can you listen to me please?
Alfred: I’m very hungry. Stop over-reacting.
Judy: What are you trying to do?
Alfred: So many things are plugged into this one outlet. I wanted to make a sandwich. How on earth am I supposed to have a toasted sandwich if I can’t even plug in a toaster?
Judy: Unplug your phone.
Alfred: No. I told you. I need it for important calls. Oh Clara left her can opener. We don’t need a motorized can opener. I don’t have arthritis. I can unplug this, can’t I?
Judy: I don’t know, can you? Or should I do it. After all, I’m the wife.
Alfred: Be my guest, Judy. Be my guest.
Judy goes to the wall amidst a tangle of cords and plugs and yanks the plug out for the electric can opener. She takes the can opener and throws it into the trash.
Alfred: Maybe cook wanted that back?
Judy: Forget about it. I don’t know what to do anymore, Alfie. I don’t.
Alfred: You should get a hobby. You just work out all day. Oh stop your crying.
Judy: Do you even love me anymore?
Alfred: Where’s Kitty?
Judy: Sleeping. I put her to bed.
Alfred: At this hour?
Judy: It’s late.
Alfred: Oh stop. Get over yourself.
Judy: Do you even hear me anymore?
Alfred: I hear a lot of whining.
Judy: I had a trying day. Don’t you think I’m upset?
Alfred: Yes. But you have to calm down. You are over reacting.
Judy: Oh. Am I? You want to see over reacting? I’ll give you over reacting. I’m going to buy a gun.
Alfred: Judy-
Judy: Oh don’t worry, it’s not for me. But I can understand why she did that to herself now, I can, Alfred. You are a horrible husband. Horrible. I see why Michael’s bitter. I see why this whole family is screwed up, but I wasn’t here back then and it’s unfair for your bitterness and his bitterness to be taken out on me. I may be upset, but I’ll have you know that I won’t follow her path. No, this is for Michael. I have to look out for number one, Alfred. You have to understand that. I don’t care if you won’t do anything. But I won’t call the police next time. This is the third time in two years, he has come here to harass me.
Alfred: He came to visit his sister. He misses her.
Judy: That may be true, but he can’t beat me up in the process! I’m a person too.
Alfred: So what will you do with the gun?
Judy: I’ll kill him.
Alfred: Oh stop.
Judy: I will. You could save his life, by telling him to stay away from here. But if you don’t, his blood will be on your hands, just like-
Alfred: Go ahead say it.
Judy: Is that any kind of thing to say to me? It takes two to tango.
Alfred: But both of you have to stay dancing and I don’t really feel like dancing with you tonight. I just don’t care. I’m tired. I just want to be left alone.
Judy: You are old, Alfred. Old. You are worn out from the company. You need to retire, sell your shares. We can move away. Raise Kitty. Forget the past. Look towards a relaxing future.
Alfred: This company is my life, I won’t give it up until I die.
Judy: What is your family? A side job?
Alfred: It seems to be a lot of work let me tell you.
Judy: Alfred, I told you my plans, I am going to go through with them.
Alfred: You’re crazy, my dear.
Judy: You sicken me.
Alfred: I’m going to go in the bedroom and eat this sandwich. Please do not come in tonight. I am going to be running on the treadmill later and I do not want to be disturbed.
Judy: So it’s the spare bedroom again?
Alfred: Or the couch, whatever you prefer.
Judy: Alfred. . .what’s going on with you?
Alfred: I’m tired. Shhhhh. Unplug all of these things, we don’t need the electricity bill to be so high.
Judy: You haven’t kissed me in months.
Alfred: My wife used to do things. She used to go out. Charity work. The Humane Society. I have no idea what you do. Then I get these American Express bills for three to four thousand dollars a month. My wife never used to spend that much. Where does it all go?
Judy: I like clothes, Alfred.
Alfred: Most of the time you are lounging around, running to your work out tapes, and wearing that thing. If you buy all of these clothes, then where on earth are they? Why do you never wear them?
Judy: Alfred, I buy things to go out in. But we never do that.
Alfred: Then stop buying things. Please. I told you things are tight.
Judy: Alfred, stop comparing me to her.
Alfred: If you haven’t lived up to the woman I thought you were, then that is what will happen, I will compare you to her. It’s a curse I guess. Deal with it. If you were the woman I thought, this wouldn’t be happening. (pause) Why are we even still married?
Judy: Because I said this is forever. I meant it.
Alfred: Suit yourself. Forever is a long time, Judy. If you are here or not, I think I need to rehire the nurse for my daughter. . .and the cook.
Judy: You said things were tight.
Alfred: We have to eat. My daughter has to eat. We have to survive. Now good-night. (Alfred exits.)
Judy: Yes, we do.
Alfred: (from off) Unplug all those things, stop thinking about this, and go to bed.
Judy looks at the wall, does nothing, and exits. In emptiness and darkness wearing her pajamas, Kitty comes through the kitchen and into the living room. She stares at the wall for awhile, gets a chair, and removes the canvas.
Kitty: I will paint you a picture, mommy.
Kitty disappears down the darkened hallway from whence she came.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
6: Another Wedding
Janet’s Living Room in her apartment. She sits working on the puzzle from Carol. She is deep in concentration –snapping pieces together. The phone rings. She’s startled and then answers.
Janet: Hello!? . . .Oh. Hi. Yeah. I’ll let you in. Open the door when you hear the beep.(She presses a number on the phone. She goes back to her chair and works meticulously. After ten or twenty seconds, a knock.) Coming! (She opens the door.)
Wendy: (jumps) Oh my God. Janet!
Janet: Didn’t you know I was coming?
Wendy: I didn’t know when you’d come to the door! Or that you'd have a black eye!
Janet: Sorry.
Wendy: How'd that happen?
Janet: It's nothing.
Wendy: Well, don’t look so happy to see me.
Janet: Sorry.
Wendy: Stop apologizing.
Janet: Sorry.
Wendy: I mean it. What’s wrong?
Janet: I am waiting for Michael to call.
Wendy: How’s that going?
Janet: I don’t know.
Wendy: What? Wait, what’s wrong with your eye?
Janet: A guy at work threw an apple at me.
Wendy: Why?
Janet: Carol says that it’s a bad neighborhood to have a fruit stand. I don’t know. Some guy snuck in, before the market opened. He was a jerk.
Wendy: I’m sorry.
Janet: You shouldn’t apologize either. You didn’t throw the apple.
Wendy: Mind if I have my dessert? I just came from lunch.
Janet: No, go ahead.
Wendy: Thanks. Wait. What’re you working on? (Wendy takes out a plastic container, fork and napkin from a brown sack.)
Janet: A puzzle. Carol gave it to me.
Wendy: Is it really 10,000 pieces? Wow.
Janet: Yeah.
Wendy: Looks like you’re pretty far. How long have you been working on it? A couple of hours?
Janet: Twenty minutes.
Wendy: Shut-up. So get this. This is carrot cake. It’s the best carrot cake you’ll ever eat. I saved this from the wedding fair I went to last night. This is going to be my wedding cake! They gave me a sample. Doesn’t it look divine?
Janet: What’s divine?
Wendy: Tasty. Both Paul and my mom came and stood on either side of me. We only stayed at the wedding fair for like twenty minutes. That’s all I could handle. You know the crowds. The pushing. The Dust. Hell on earth. We rushed around saw everything really quickly. I tried not to pay attention to all the people there. I didn’t look anybody in the eye. I booked the cake and we left. Simple, I didn’t even need my inhaler.
Janet: Oh. Good.
Wendy: Oh Janet, will you be in my wedding?
Janet: Aren’t you marrying Paul?
Wendy: Will you be a bridesmaid?
Janet: I don’t want to clean up anything. Doesn’t sound like fun.
Wendy: No. No. No. Be in my wedding. It’s where you support me. Be my friend. Wear a pretty dress, get some flowers, and you witness the glorious day.
Janet: Okay. I don’t see why not.
Wendy: Good. So I found this wonderful wedding singer –cantor really, I guess they are called cantor- anywho, she’s going to sing this song that I love, but I really can’t stand up at the altar for that long while she just sings.
Janet: Why?
Wendy: People’ll be there. You know what happens.
Janet: Oh. I don’t understand why you don’t like people.
Wendy: I do. I just get nervous, intimidated so Paul and I are going to say our vows in a private ceremony so we don’t have to stand up there for more than 15 minutes.
Janet: Your wedding is only going to be fifteen minutes long?
Wendy: Of course. I can’t be in public that long. I just can’t Janet.
Janet: Okay.
Wendy: Oh geez. This cake. I tell you!
Janet: I don’t think carrots would be good in cake.
Wendy: No, it’s delicious. I promise.
Janet: Can I have a bite?
Wendy: Sure.
Janet eats a bite.
Janet: Hmmm. I like this. Oh. Michael asked me to marry him. I told him what was going on.
Wendy: Excuse me?
Janet: Michael asked-
Wendy: I heard you the first time! Give me the details, girl!
Janet: Hmmm. Michael gave me a ring. See?
Wendy: I don’t see a ring. What happened to your finger?
Janet: I cut it.
Wendy: Oh. Ouch.
Telephone rings.
Janet: (answering it) Hello?! Oh hello! I’ll buzz you up. Come right up!
Wendy: Someone else is coming up here?
Janet: Yeah. Michael.
Wendy: I gotta go to the bathroom. I do. Excuse me. I’m such a pig, I look so gross, I’m bloated. Everything is going wrong.
Janet: You look fine.
Wendy: And I. . . I just got my period this morning, thank you very much! (exits to the bathroom)
Janet: Sorry.
Michael: (entering) Hey. Hey. Hey. Hi, hon. (He goes and kisses her on the forehead.)
Janet: Hi. . .hon.
Michael: Oh my God. The puzzle-
Janet: What?
Michael: Are you sure you aren’t a genius? What the hell? How did you get so far?
Janet: I don’t know. I just find things that fit.
Michael: Well done. Wow. Wow. I wanted to come by and tell you that I do want to go to dinner with your parents tonight.
Janet: You didn’t want to before.
Michael: No, I do. I do. But I couldn’t before, I just rearranged my plans with my roommate. My roommate told me it would be more important to do this.
Janet: What time is it?
Michael: Almost four.
Janet: I’ll call my father and tell him right away. I’m so happy. (noticing Michael) What’s wrong with your eyes?
Michael: Nothing. Why?
Janet: Your eyes look funny. The black thing is really small.
Michael: Oh, I just came in from outside, the sun is still shining. The sun can do that to your pupils. Well, the black thing. . .
Janet: (dialing) It’ll just be a minute while I call my dad. (waits)
Meanwhile, in the Windhover Den, Camden answers his phone.
Camden: Janet, what is it?
Janet: We are coming to dinner.
Camden: Janet, you can’t do that to us. Cook has already prepared your mother and me a light meal and it is just about ready. Certainly not enough for four people.
Janet: Michael, changed his day for this, dad.
Michael: Janet, if it’s too much trouble-
Camden: You tell him it is. You tell him it is. He needs to be more responsible and when an invitation is extended, he should make up his mind immediately.
Janet: DAD!
Michael: Oh I almost forgot, I have a bottle of wine for your parents in my car, Janet. As a gift-
Camden: Oh, I just heard your mother telling me from the other room that cook hasn’t prepared anything yet. I am misunderstood. I’m sorry. Come around seven. See you then.
Janet: Thanks, Dad. Bye.
Camden: G’bye. (He hangs up.) Denise, this will be the test. The vintage and the vineyard, I tell you.
Janet: We are going to go around seven.
Michael: Okay, well I have to go run some errands first. So I’m gonna get going.
Janet: Errands? What do you have to do?
Michael: I have to go back home. Get cleaned up. Run to the liquor store-
Janet: Liquor store?
Michael: My roommate Toby needs something to drink tonight.
Janet: Oh.
Michael: I love you and I’ll be back.
Janet: Okay. See you soon. Please don’t be late, my father hates it when people are late.
Michael: I won’t. Did you hear that?
Janet: Hear what?
Michael: Is somebody else here?
Janet: Yeah, my friend Wendy.
Michael: Oh. She’s been in the bathroom this whole time?
Janet: Yeah.
Michael: Oh. Well I’ll see you this evening, miss pretty. Nice work on the puzzle.
Janet: Thank you.
Michael: Bye. (He exits the apartment.)
Wendy: (re-entering) Oh Janet. Oh Janet. I don’t know.
Janet: What? What don’t you know?
Wendy: About him. Your Michael.
Janet: What don’t you know?
Wendy: Oh nevermind, I’m a nut job anyway. (pause) Hey do you smell something?
Janet: Like what?
Wendy: Marijuana?
Janet: What’s that?
Wendy: Nevermind.
Janet: Hello!? . . .Oh. Hi. Yeah. I’ll let you in. Open the door when you hear the beep.(She presses a number on the phone. She goes back to her chair and works meticulously. After ten or twenty seconds, a knock.) Coming! (She opens the door.)
Wendy: (jumps) Oh my God. Janet!
Janet: Didn’t you know I was coming?
Wendy: I didn’t know when you’d come to the door! Or that you'd have a black eye!
Janet: Sorry.
Wendy: How'd that happen?
Janet: It's nothing.
Wendy: Well, don’t look so happy to see me.
Janet: Sorry.
Wendy: Stop apologizing.
Janet: Sorry.
Wendy: I mean it. What’s wrong?
Janet: I am waiting for Michael to call.
Wendy: How’s that going?
Janet: I don’t know.
Wendy: What? Wait, what’s wrong with your eye?
Janet: A guy at work threw an apple at me.
Wendy: Why?
Janet: Carol says that it’s a bad neighborhood to have a fruit stand. I don’t know. Some guy snuck in, before the market opened. He was a jerk.
Wendy: I’m sorry.
Janet: You shouldn’t apologize either. You didn’t throw the apple.
Wendy: Mind if I have my dessert? I just came from lunch.
Janet: No, go ahead.
Wendy: Thanks. Wait. What’re you working on? (Wendy takes out a plastic container, fork and napkin from a brown sack.)
Janet: A puzzle. Carol gave it to me.
Wendy: Is it really 10,000 pieces? Wow.
Janet: Yeah.
Wendy: Looks like you’re pretty far. How long have you been working on it? A couple of hours?
Janet: Twenty minutes.
Wendy: Shut-up. So get this. This is carrot cake. It’s the best carrot cake you’ll ever eat. I saved this from the wedding fair I went to last night. This is going to be my wedding cake! They gave me a sample. Doesn’t it look divine?
Janet: What’s divine?
Wendy: Tasty. Both Paul and my mom came and stood on either side of me. We only stayed at the wedding fair for like twenty minutes. That’s all I could handle. You know the crowds. The pushing. The Dust. Hell on earth. We rushed around saw everything really quickly. I tried not to pay attention to all the people there. I didn’t look anybody in the eye. I booked the cake and we left. Simple, I didn’t even need my inhaler.
Janet: Oh. Good.
Wendy: Oh Janet, will you be in my wedding?
Janet: Aren’t you marrying Paul?
Wendy: Will you be a bridesmaid?
Janet: I don’t want to clean up anything. Doesn’t sound like fun.
Wendy: No. No. No. Be in my wedding. It’s where you support me. Be my friend. Wear a pretty dress, get some flowers, and you witness the glorious day.
Janet: Okay. I don’t see why not.
Wendy: Good. So I found this wonderful wedding singer –cantor really, I guess they are called cantor- anywho, she’s going to sing this song that I love, but I really can’t stand up at the altar for that long while she just sings.
Janet: Why?
Wendy: People’ll be there. You know what happens.
Janet: Oh. I don’t understand why you don’t like people.
Wendy: I do. I just get nervous, intimidated so Paul and I are going to say our vows in a private ceremony so we don’t have to stand up there for more than 15 minutes.
Janet: Your wedding is only going to be fifteen minutes long?
Wendy: Of course. I can’t be in public that long. I just can’t Janet.
Janet: Okay.
Wendy: Oh geez. This cake. I tell you!
Janet: I don’t think carrots would be good in cake.
Wendy: No, it’s delicious. I promise.
Janet: Can I have a bite?
Wendy: Sure.
Janet eats a bite.
Janet: Hmmm. I like this. Oh. Michael asked me to marry him. I told him what was going on.
Wendy: Excuse me?
Janet: Michael asked-
Wendy: I heard you the first time! Give me the details, girl!
Janet: Hmmm. Michael gave me a ring. See?
Wendy: I don’t see a ring. What happened to your finger?
Janet: I cut it.
Wendy: Oh. Ouch.
Telephone rings.
Janet: (answering it) Hello?! Oh hello! I’ll buzz you up. Come right up!
Wendy: Someone else is coming up here?
Janet: Yeah. Michael.
Wendy: I gotta go to the bathroom. I do. Excuse me. I’m such a pig, I look so gross, I’m bloated. Everything is going wrong.
Janet: You look fine.
Wendy: And I. . . I just got my period this morning, thank you very much! (exits to the bathroom)
Janet: Sorry.
Michael: (entering) Hey. Hey. Hey. Hi, hon. (He goes and kisses her on the forehead.)
Janet: Hi. . .hon.
Michael: Oh my God. The puzzle-
Janet: What?
Michael: Are you sure you aren’t a genius? What the hell? How did you get so far?
Janet: I don’t know. I just find things that fit.
Michael: Well done. Wow. Wow. I wanted to come by and tell you that I do want to go to dinner with your parents tonight.
Janet: You didn’t want to before.
Michael: No, I do. I do. But I couldn’t before, I just rearranged my plans with my roommate. My roommate told me it would be more important to do this.
Janet: What time is it?
Michael: Almost four.
Janet: I’ll call my father and tell him right away. I’m so happy. (noticing Michael) What’s wrong with your eyes?
Michael: Nothing. Why?
Janet: Your eyes look funny. The black thing is really small.
Michael: Oh, I just came in from outside, the sun is still shining. The sun can do that to your pupils. Well, the black thing. . .
Janet: (dialing) It’ll just be a minute while I call my dad. (waits)
Meanwhile, in the Windhover Den, Camden answers his phone.
Camden: Janet, what is it?
Janet: We are coming to dinner.
Camden: Janet, you can’t do that to us. Cook has already prepared your mother and me a light meal and it is just about ready. Certainly not enough for four people.
Janet: Michael, changed his day for this, dad.
Michael: Janet, if it’s too much trouble-
Camden: You tell him it is. You tell him it is. He needs to be more responsible and when an invitation is extended, he should make up his mind immediately.
Janet: DAD!
Michael: Oh I almost forgot, I have a bottle of wine for your parents in my car, Janet. As a gift-
Camden: Oh, I just heard your mother telling me from the other room that cook hasn’t prepared anything yet. I am misunderstood. I’m sorry. Come around seven. See you then.
Janet: Thanks, Dad. Bye.
Camden: G’bye. (He hangs up.) Denise, this will be the test. The vintage and the vineyard, I tell you.
Janet: We are going to go around seven.
Michael: Okay, well I have to go run some errands first. So I’m gonna get going.
Janet: Errands? What do you have to do?
Michael: I have to go back home. Get cleaned up. Run to the liquor store-
Janet: Liquor store?
Michael: My roommate Toby needs something to drink tonight.
Janet: Oh.
Michael: I love you and I’ll be back.
Janet: Okay. See you soon. Please don’t be late, my father hates it when people are late.
Michael: I won’t. Did you hear that?
Janet: Hear what?
Michael: Is somebody else here?
Janet: Yeah, my friend Wendy.
Michael: Oh. She’s been in the bathroom this whole time?
Janet: Yeah.
Michael: Oh. Well I’ll see you this evening, miss pretty. Nice work on the puzzle.
Janet: Thank you.
Michael: Bye. (He exits the apartment.)
Wendy: (re-entering) Oh Janet. Oh Janet. I don’t know.
Janet: What? What don’t you know?
Wendy: About him. Your Michael.
Janet: What don’t you know?
Wendy: Oh nevermind, I’m a nut job anyway. (pause) Hey do you smell something?
Janet: Like what?
Wendy: Marijuana?
Janet: What’s that?
Wendy: Nevermind.
Friday, May 4, 2007
5: Hatred and Love in a Pure White Room
The Living Room of the Andreas Household. Judy Andreas, in a velvety, red tracksuit, works out to a trendy aerobics video or a facsimile of the latest exercise fad. The room is completely decorated in pure white and crystal ornaments and statues. The doorbell rings. She ignores it. It rings again. She ignores it. It rings a third time. She ignores it and the door bursts open. The entryway is below a long staircase so she cannot see who has entered.
Judy: Who is it? Who’s there!?
Michael:(climbing the stairs) Me. (He has a long wrapped rectangle package.)
Judy: What do you want?
Michael: Can’t I come to my own home?
Judy: You know how long it has been since you have been here.
Michael: So what?
Judy: I just thought we’d seen the last of you.
Michael: I thought’d seen the last of you. But I guess I was wrong.
Judy: Michael, I know you’ve never liked me. I know you-
Michael: Cut the crap. I hate you, but I brought a gift-
Judy: Don’t speak to me that way. You have no right. Now please leave. Before-
Michael: Before what? (He gets in her face. She steps backwards frightened.)
Judy: Your father knows what you’ve been into. I could call the police right now.
Michael: Does he? Well, that’s just fine. I guess if he wouldn’t have married a woman that could be his daughter, I wouldn’t be so emotionally unavailable.
Judy: I love your father. Stop this.
Michael: You love money.
Judy: Your father and I have discussed getting a restraining order on you. Don’t make us go through with it.
Michael: Oh fuck you.
Judy: Don’t say fuck to me. Kitty is in the house.
Michael: She is?
Judy: Please don’t sit down.
Michael: I’m going to. (He sits.)
Judy: Michael, I just had this room cleaned. Your jacket looks. . .dirty.
Michael: Shut the hell up. Why isn’t Kitty with her nurse?
Judy: Michael, I went to school for this sort of thing. I know how to handle a child-
Michael: I don’t care what you went to school for. I don’t want you taking care of my sister. She is a person you know. Not some key to the fortune. She has- she’s very impressionable- and you will only teach –well how do I say this right- you will only teach her bad things. Besides my father doesn’t like her that much anyway.
Judy: Don’t say things like that. Please. I love Kitty. I do. So does your father-
Michael: Not much conviction in that. I see you’re getting fit, fit to inherit the whole kingdom?
Judy: I’m exercising, yes. (She shuts the TV off.) Now let’s get down to business. What? What do you want? I need you out of here for my own piece of mind.
Michael: You haven’t even tried to know me.
Judy: You’ve been impossible from the start, besides burning down that shed when I first arrived wasn’t any sort of welcome wagon.
Michael: I thought you were inside it.
Judy: Please go. Or I’m going to call the police.
Kitty: (off) Mommy?!
Michael: Is that Kitty?
Judy: Mommy’ll be in in a second.
Michael: My sister can’t come in the fucking living room? (He stands, and violently backs Judy into a corner.)
Judy: Michael-
Michael: This is my family. I will not wage war with you, but if you push me to that I will. So help me God I’ll make your life a living hell. I want to see her. I do.
The telephone rings. Judy looks to it.
Michael: Don’t answer that.
Judy: But-
The telephone rings a few more times throughout.
Michael: I said don’t. You are going to get Kitty in here now. I have something to tell her. (pause) I said do it. Now.
Judy: Michael, please let me go.
Michael: Do what I say and nobody gets hurt.
Judy: Your father is going to hear about this.
Michael slaps her. She holds her cheek. Then Kitty appears and stands in the doorway, with orange juice. She’s 10.
Judy: (covering) Honey, what do you want?
Kitty: Can I come in?
Judy: Yes. Yes, you can.
Kitty: Oh yay!
Judy: Be careful. Please. The crystals-
Kitty: Michael!
Michael: Kitty!
They hug.
Judy: (to Michael) Hurry it up. Please. . .
Michael: Yeah. Yeah. How’s my favorite sister today?
Kitty: I’m your only sister.
Michael: I know that silly. What happened to your nurse?
Kitty: She got fired. Mommy, said we’re paying her too much.
Michael: She’s not your mommy, Kitty. She’s not.
Judy: I am too.
Kitty: She’s not?
Michael: No. She’s somebody Daddy married to get something out of.
Judy: Michael, I swear-
Michael: Quiet, you.
Kitty: I’m scared.
Michael: No reason to be scared. I came here to tell you something and to bring you a present.
Kitty: A present? Really?
Michael: (brings the package before her) Go ahead. Open it.
Judy: This better be appropriate for a young child.
Michael: I don’t want to hear another word out of you as long as I’m here. Why don’t you sit on your fancy couch. Hey Kitty, want to give Judy your juice, so you can open your gift? Maybe if she drinks some of it, she’ll be quiet.
Judy: I don’t want-
Michael: Uh uh uh. I said quiet. Don’t make the volunteer fire department come here, Judy.
Judy gives a look of extreme fear.
Kitty: I don’t like this juice anyway. It’s orange, but not orange fruit. Drink it, you gave it to me.
Judy: Your doctor wants you to, he says your lacking-
Michael: What are you giving her?
Judy: Carrot juice. Her doctor says-
Michael: (mocking) Her doctor says. Her doctor says. (to Judy) You drink it. All of it. Now. (to Kitty) Go ahead, open it.
Judy begins to drink the juice as Kitty tears open the package. It’s a blank canvas.
Kitty: Oh wow Michael. What is it?
Michael: This is what artists paint on. You should ask Daddy to get you some paints and then you can make a picture on this. You will be a great artist like Van Gogh or Renoir.
Kitty: Really? Oh I want to paint. I want to paint.
Michael: Hear that? She wants to paint. Better go buy her some paints with Daddy’s money. I mean it.
Kitty: Yeah, buy me some paints. Yeah. Thank you, Michael.
Michael: You’re welcome.
Kitty: I love you. (She gives him a big hug.)
Michael: I have to go now. I do. But I want you to know that I love you very much. And guess what? You know how you aren’t allowed into this room? Well, that rule has changed. Now you are. You can come in here whenever you want. Whenever you want. (He gives Judy eyes.) Because a living room is meant to be lived in.
Kitty: Really, mommy? Really.
Judy: (hard to speak) Yes.
Kitty: Oh boy! (to Michael) Can I go play with my toys now?
Michael: Of course. Of course. I love you and I’ll see you soon.
Kitty exits.
Michael: I’m going to go now. Tell my father I’m getting married. I doubt he’ll care. . .
Judy: Michael, if you know what’s good for you, don’t ever come back to this house.
Michael: If you know what’s good for you, you will take the best care of my sister that you can. She’s special. And I will be back to visit her often. Don’t leave her alone like that watching your stupid hip hop aerobics or whatever. . . And if you tell my father about this, don’t expect this house to be standing afterwards.
Judy: What are you going to do?
Michael: You’ll see. I wouldn’t work out too much more, you are already too thin.
Judy: Please go.
Michael: Good-bye. (He exits.)
She runs up to the door and locks it. She starts crying profusely and uncontrollably. Kitty reappears in the living room.
Judy: (screaming) Get out. Get out of here now!
Kitty: But-
Judy: I don’t care what Michael says. He’s not a nice person.
Kitty: I just want my painting paper.
Judy: You can’t have it. You can’t. It’s mine. I’m going to hang it right here.
Kitty doesn’t move as Judy hangs the blank white canvas on the white wall.
Kitty: Why?
Judy: You don’t deserve it. Now go play with your toys. I have to call your father.
Kitty: Can I get my juice glass?
Judy: Yes, and don’t come back in my sight until it’s gone. (She exits.)
Kitty: I’m gonna paint, mommy. I’m gonna paint. (She throws the juice at the canvas and it splashes color on it. Then she exits.)
Judy: Who is it? Who’s there!?
Michael:(climbing the stairs) Me. (He has a long wrapped rectangle package.)
Judy: What do you want?
Michael: Can’t I come to my own home?
Judy: You know how long it has been since you have been here.
Michael: So what?
Judy: I just thought we’d seen the last of you.
Michael: I thought’d seen the last of you. But I guess I was wrong.
Judy: Michael, I know you’ve never liked me. I know you-
Michael: Cut the crap. I hate you, but I brought a gift-
Judy: Don’t speak to me that way. You have no right. Now please leave. Before-
Michael: Before what? (He gets in her face. She steps backwards frightened.)
Judy: Your father knows what you’ve been into. I could call the police right now.
Michael: Does he? Well, that’s just fine. I guess if he wouldn’t have married a woman that could be his daughter, I wouldn’t be so emotionally unavailable.
Judy: I love your father. Stop this.
Michael: You love money.
Judy: Your father and I have discussed getting a restraining order on you. Don’t make us go through with it.
Michael: Oh fuck you.
Judy: Don’t say fuck to me. Kitty is in the house.
Michael: She is?
Judy: Please don’t sit down.
Michael: I’m going to. (He sits.)
Judy: Michael, I just had this room cleaned. Your jacket looks. . .dirty.
Michael: Shut the hell up. Why isn’t Kitty with her nurse?
Judy: Michael, I went to school for this sort of thing. I know how to handle a child-
Michael: I don’t care what you went to school for. I don’t want you taking care of my sister. She is a person you know. Not some key to the fortune. She has- she’s very impressionable- and you will only teach –well how do I say this right- you will only teach her bad things. Besides my father doesn’t like her that much anyway.
Judy: Don’t say things like that. Please. I love Kitty. I do. So does your father-
Michael: Not much conviction in that. I see you’re getting fit, fit to inherit the whole kingdom?
Judy: I’m exercising, yes. (She shuts the TV off.) Now let’s get down to business. What? What do you want? I need you out of here for my own piece of mind.
Michael: You haven’t even tried to know me.
Judy: You’ve been impossible from the start, besides burning down that shed when I first arrived wasn’t any sort of welcome wagon.
Michael: I thought you were inside it.
Judy: Please go. Or I’m going to call the police.
Kitty: (off) Mommy?!
Michael: Is that Kitty?
Judy: Mommy’ll be in in a second.
Michael: My sister can’t come in the fucking living room? (He stands, and violently backs Judy into a corner.)
Judy: Michael-
Michael: This is my family. I will not wage war with you, but if you push me to that I will. So help me God I’ll make your life a living hell. I want to see her. I do.
The telephone rings. Judy looks to it.
Michael: Don’t answer that.
Judy: But-
The telephone rings a few more times throughout.
Michael: I said don’t. You are going to get Kitty in here now. I have something to tell her. (pause) I said do it. Now.
Judy: Michael, please let me go.
Michael: Do what I say and nobody gets hurt.
Judy: Your father is going to hear about this.
Michael slaps her. She holds her cheek. Then Kitty appears and stands in the doorway, with orange juice. She’s 10.
Judy: (covering) Honey, what do you want?
Kitty: Can I come in?
Judy: Yes. Yes, you can.
Kitty: Oh yay!
Judy: Be careful. Please. The crystals-
Kitty: Michael!
Michael: Kitty!
They hug.
Judy: (to Michael) Hurry it up. Please. . .
Michael: Yeah. Yeah. How’s my favorite sister today?
Kitty: I’m your only sister.
Michael: I know that silly. What happened to your nurse?
Kitty: She got fired. Mommy, said we’re paying her too much.
Michael: She’s not your mommy, Kitty. She’s not.
Judy: I am too.
Kitty: She’s not?
Michael: No. She’s somebody Daddy married to get something out of.
Judy: Michael, I swear-
Michael: Quiet, you.
Kitty: I’m scared.
Michael: No reason to be scared. I came here to tell you something and to bring you a present.
Kitty: A present? Really?
Michael: (brings the package before her) Go ahead. Open it.
Judy: This better be appropriate for a young child.
Michael: I don’t want to hear another word out of you as long as I’m here. Why don’t you sit on your fancy couch. Hey Kitty, want to give Judy your juice, so you can open your gift? Maybe if she drinks some of it, she’ll be quiet.
Judy: I don’t want-
Michael: Uh uh uh. I said quiet. Don’t make the volunteer fire department come here, Judy.
Judy gives a look of extreme fear.
Kitty: I don’t like this juice anyway. It’s orange, but not orange fruit. Drink it, you gave it to me.
Judy: Your doctor wants you to, he says your lacking-
Michael: What are you giving her?
Judy: Carrot juice. Her doctor says-
Michael: (mocking) Her doctor says. Her doctor says. (to Judy) You drink it. All of it. Now. (to Kitty) Go ahead, open it.
Judy begins to drink the juice as Kitty tears open the package. It’s a blank canvas.
Kitty: Oh wow Michael. What is it?
Michael: This is what artists paint on. You should ask Daddy to get you some paints and then you can make a picture on this. You will be a great artist like Van Gogh or Renoir.
Kitty: Really? Oh I want to paint. I want to paint.
Michael: Hear that? She wants to paint. Better go buy her some paints with Daddy’s money. I mean it.
Kitty: Yeah, buy me some paints. Yeah. Thank you, Michael.
Michael: You’re welcome.
Kitty: I love you. (She gives him a big hug.)
Michael: I have to go now. I do. But I want you to know that I love you very much. And guess what? You know how you aren’t allowed into this room? Well, that rule has changed. Now you are. You can come in here whenever you want. Whenever you want. (He gives Judy eyes.) Because a living room is meant to be lived in.
Kitty: Really, mommy? Really.
Judy: (hard to speak) Yes.
Kitty: Oh boy! (to Michael) Can I go play with my toys now?
Michael: Of course. Of course. I love you and I’ll see you soon.
Kitty exits.
Michael: I’m going to go now. Tell my father I’m getting married. I doubt he’ll care. . .
Judy: Michael, if you know what’s good for you, don’t ever come back to this house.
Michael: If you know what’s good for you, you will take the best care of my sister that you can. She’s special. And I will be back to visit her often. Don’t leave her alone like that watching your stupid hip hop aerobics or whatever. . . And if you tell my father about this, don’t expect this house to be standing afterwards.
Judy: What are you going to do?
Michael: You’ll see. I wouldn’t work out too much more, you are already too thin.
Judy: Please go.
Michael: Good-bye. (He exits.)
She runs up to the door and locks it. She starts crying profusely and uncontrollably. Kitty reappears in the living room.
Judy: (screaming) Get out. Get out of here now!
Kitty: But-
Judy: I don’t care what Michael says. He’s not a nice person.
Kitty: I just want my painting paper.
Judy: You can’t have it. You can’t. It’s mine. I’m going to hang it right here.
Kitty doesn’t move as Judy hangs the blank white canvas on the white wall.
Kitty: Why?
Judy: You don’t deserve it. Now go play with your toys. I have to call your father.
Kitty: Can I get my juice glass?
Judy: Yes, and don’t come back in my sight until it’s gone. (She exits.)
Kitty: I’m gonna paint, mommy. I’m gonna paint. (She throws the juice at the canvas and it splashes color on it. Then she exits.)
Thursday, May 3, 2007
4: Unwashed Fruit
Carol’s Fruit Stand at the Downtown Farmer’s Market. Carol, an elderly woman with blonde hair, organizes some freshly picked apples. Janet rides her bike up to the fruit stand.
Carol: Janet, it’s 7:15. What’s going on?
Janet: I’m sorry.
Carol: 7:15 is hardly late, but you’ve never been a second over 7:10 before. Something must be wrong.
Janet: I told Michael about-
Carol: Oh my child- (She gives Janet a big hug.) Are you okay?
Janet: I’ll be fine. What do I have to do today?
Carol: We’ve just got to get these apples organized before 8. Did you get anything for me today?
Janet: I couldn’t. He was there.
Carol: That’s fine. No worries. So do you want to talk about the Michael thing?
Janet: No.
Carol: Suit yourself. But if you need an ear, you can always use mine. (Laughs)
Janet: I just hope I get to talk to him today.
Carol: You will. He’ll call. He seems like a good young man. He must be. He got accepted to Yale, didn’t you say?
Janet: Yeah.
Carol: I almost forgot. (as she goes behind the stand) Wait. . .wait. I got something for you. (She returns with a wrapped package.)
Janet: What is it?
Carol: It’s for you. I know how much you like them.
Janet: Oh thank you! Why did you get this for me?
Carol: Well you’ve brought me so many things. It’s the least I can do.
Janet: (tearing off the paper) A puzzle! Oh, thank you!
Carol: I remember a few weeks ago when you said you finished that 10,000 piece puzzle and I thought you might like another one to work on.
Janet: What is that picture?
Carol: It’s called a Cornucopia. It’s a thanksgiving sort of thing. Fruits and vegetables in this giant horn with a lot of fancy garnishes. It reminded me of you working here and all the lovely things you’ve brought me.
Janet: I love it. I’m going to work on it tonight!
Carol: You should. It’ll help keep your mind off of things.
Janet: What things?
Carol: Nevermind. Oh look somebody snuck in early again. If he comes up to the stand, don’t bother telling him we’re not open, just sell him what he wants and send him on his way.
Janet: Is that against the rules?
Carol: Yeah. Yeah. But some rules are made to be broken.
Janet: Okay.
Carol: I gotta go make a phone call on my cell phone. I’ll be right back.
Janet: Okay.
Carol exits behind the tent. The man who snuck in comes up to the stand and peruses the fruits and vegetables. He looks rough –like Michael when he isn’t around Janet.
Janet: Hi. Welcome. Do you need any help today?
Man: No. I’m just looking.
Janet: Just let me-
Man: I said Leave me alone. What don’t you understand about that?
Janet: Sorry. (She begins sorting vegetables. The man looks for awhile.)
Man: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Janet: Yes?
Man: I’d like to buy some things.
Janet: What would you like to buy?
Man: I’ll take four galas, three carrots-
Janet: What’s a gala?
Man: What the fuck? Who are you? You work here and you don’t know what a gala is?
Janet: No, I don’t.
Man: You dumb bitch.
Janet: (tearing up) Don’t talk like that to me. Don’t! (calls) Carol. . .
Man: (picking up an apple) This is a gala. I don’t want any of your fruit anyway. (He throws the apple at her and it bounces off of her face.)
Janet: (crying) Carol!
The man saunters off. Carol reenters.
Carol: Janet. Janet. What is it?
Janet: I didn’t know what a gala was. That guy. . .he threw an apple at me.
Carol: Oh poor dear. Come here. (She hugs her.) Did he buy anything?
Janet: No. No. He didn’t. He called me a bitch.
Carol: You know that’s not true. Look. I’m going to call the Farmer’s Market Security. (picking up the apple) Look he’s gone and bruised this thing so I can’t even sell it. I’ll be right back. I’ve had enough of these drug addicts coming down here at early hours of the morning trying to get a handout. (She goes behind the tent again.)
Michael appears.
Janet: Hi.
Michael: Hi there. I came to talk to you.
Janet: Yes?
Michael: Oh I see you got a puzzle. Who gave that to you?
Janet: Carol. . .it was a gift.
Michael: It looks hard.
Janet: Yeah, 1,000 pieces.
Michael: 10,000 pieces it says.
Janet: You know what I mean.
Michael: I do. . . and that’s why. . . I have done a lot of thinking.
Janet: Yes?
Michael: I still want to marry you.
Janet: Really?
Michael: What’s wrong with your eye?
Janet: This guy just threw an apple at me!
Michael: What?
Janet: It still sort of hurts. Carol’s calling security.
Carol re-enters.
Carol: Good morning, Michael. How are you on this beautiful fine day?
Michael: Excellent.
Carol: How are you Janet? Are you okay?
Janet: I’m fine now.
Janet: Michael, would you like to come to my father’s house for dinner tonight?
Carol sorts fruit.
Michael: Tonight?
Janet: Yes.
Michael: I. . .uh. . .have plans.
Janet: Oh.
Michael: I will call you later this afternoon. We should talk about our plans. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?
Janet nods.
Carol: We just get an abundance of homeless people around here before we are open. Want to buy anything this morning like that one morning you met your sweetheart?
A cell phone rings. Michael shakes his head.
Janet: Is that you?
Michael: (checking the phone) Yeah. Sorry. Gotta go. (He exits quickly)
Carol: Janet?
Janet: What?
Carol: I thought you said he had a broken leg.
Janet: He does. He did. I thought he did.
Carol: Didn’t seem so broken to me. Anyway package these carrots up, I brought the unwashed ones down from the car. These have to be washed. Okay, honey? Thanks.
Carol: Janet, it’s 7:15. What’s going on?
Janet: I’m sorry.
Carol: 7:15 is hardly late, but you’ve never been a second over 7:10 before. Something must be wrong.
Janet: I told Michael about-
Carol: Oh my child- (She gives Janet a big hug.) Are you okay?
Janet: I’ll be fine. What do I have to do today?
Carol: We’ve just got to get these apples organized before 8. Did you get anything for me today?
Janet: I couldn’t. He was there.
Carol: That’s fine. No worries. So do you want to talk about the Michael thing?
Janet: No.
Carol: Suit yourself. But if you need an ear, you can always use mine. (Laughs)
Janet: I just hope I get to talk to him today.
Carol: You will. He’ll call. He seems like a good young man. He must be. He got accepted to Yale, didn’t you say?
Janet: Yeah.
Carol: I almost forgot. (as she goes behind the stand) Wait. . .wait. I got something for you. (She returns with a wrapped package.)
Janet: What is it?
Carol: It’s for you. I know how much you like them.
Janet: Oh thank you! Why did you get this for me?
Carol: Well you’ve brought me so many things. It’s the least I can do.
Janet: (tearing off the paper) A puzzle! Oh, thank you!
Carol: I remember a few weeks ago when you said you finished that 10,000 piece puzzle and I thought you might like another one to work on.
Janet: What is that picture?
Carol: It’s called a Cornucopia. It’s a thanksgiving sort of thing. Fruits and vegetables in this giant horn with a lot of fancy garnishes. It reminded me of you working here and all the lovely things you’ve brought me.
Janet: I love it. I’m going to work on it tonight!
Carol: You should. It’ll help keep your mind off of things.
Janet: What things?
Carol: Nevermind. Oh look somebody snuck in early again. If he comes up to the stand, don’t bother telling him we’re not open, just sell him what he wants and send him on his way.
Janet: Is that against the rules?
Carol: Yeah. Yeah. But some rules are made to be broken.
Janet: Okay.
Carol: I gotta go make a phone call on my cell phone. I’ll be right back.
Janet: Okay.
Carol exits behind the tent. The man who snuck in comes up to the stand and peruses the fruits and vegetables. He looks rough –like Michael when he isn’t around Janet.
Janet: Hi. Welcome. Do you need any help today?
Man: No. I’m just looking.
Janet: Just let me-
Man: I said Leave me alone. What don’t you understand about that?
Janet: Sorry. (She begins sorting vegetables. The man looks for awhile.)
Man: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Janet: Yes?
Man: I’d like to buy some things.
Janet: What would you like to buy?
Man: I’ll take four galas, three carrots-
Janet: What’s a gala?
Man: What the fuck? Who are you? You work here and you don’t know what a gala is?
Janet: No, I don’t.
Man: You dumb bitch.
Janet: (tearing up) Don’t talk like that to me. Don’t! (calls) Carol. . .
Man: (picking up an apple) This is a gala. I don’t want any of your fruit anyway. (He throws the apple at her and it bounces off of her face.)
Janet: (crying) Carol!
The man saunters off. Carol reenters.
Carol: Janet. Janet. What is it?
Janet: I didn’t know what a gala was. That guy. . .he threw an apple at me.
Carol: Oh poor dear. Come here. (She hugs her.) Did he buy anything?
Janet: No. No. He didn’t. He called me a bitch.
Carol: You know that’s not true. Look. I’m going to call the Farmer’s Market Security. (picking up the apple) Look he’s gone and bruised this thing so I can’t even sell it. I’ll be right back. I’ve had enough of these drug addicts coming down here at early hours of the morning trying to get a handout. (She goes behind the tent again.)
Michael appears.
Janet: Hi.
Michael: Hi there. I came to talk to you.
Janet: Yes?
Michael: Oh I see you got a puzzle. Who gave that to you?
Janet: Carol. . .it was a gift.
Michael: It looks hard.
Janet: Yeah, 1,000 pieces.
Michael: 10,000 pieces it says.
Janet: You know what I mean.
Michael: I do. . . and that’s why. . . I have done a lot of thinking.
Janet: Yes?
Michael: I still want to marry you.
Janet: Really?
Michael: What’s wrong with your eye?
Janet: This guy just threw an apple at me!
Michael: What?
Janet: It still sort of hurts. Carol’s calling security.
Carol re-enters.
Carol: Good morning, Michael. How are you on this beautiful fine day?
Michael: Excellent.
Carol: How are you Janet? Are you okay?
Janet: I’m fine now.
Janet: Michael, would you like to come to my father’s house for dinner tonight?
Carol sorts fruit.
Michael: Tonight?
Janet: Yes.
Michael: I. . .uh. . .have plans.
Janet: Oh.
Michael: I will call you later this afternoon. We should talk about our plans. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?
Janet nods.
Carol: We just get an abundance of homeless people around here before we are open. Want to buy anything this morning like that one morning you met your sweetheart?
A cell phone rings. Michael shakes his head.
Janet: Is that you?
Michael: (checking the phone) Yeah. Sorry. Gotta go. (He exits quickly)
Carol: Janet?
Janet: What?
Carol: I thought you said he had a broken leg.
Janet: He does. He did. I thought he did.
Carol: Didn’t seem so broken to me. Anyway package these carrots up, I brought the unwashed ones down from the car. These have to be washed. Okay, honey? Thanks.
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